monster

let’s imagine you have two hands, and

one of them is holding another hand and

now you have three hands because you are a fucked up concoction, an

amalgamation of everything you’ve ever loved

and hated simultaneously, and that third hand is still there

but you don’t know whose hand it is; it’s not yours, that’s for sure,

you’re frankenstein and his monster all at once.

“i’m not a monster,” you say, “i’m not i’m not i’m not,” but then

you still wear the clothes that you bought when she loved you, right?

you still listen to the music that she played for you, right?

and you say you’re not made of her, you try

to tell me that you’re not tangled up in her irrevocably? 

the problem is there’s no surgeons for people like you.

when you start to bleed out, the doctor says: “oh, sorry, there’s

nothing i can do. that’s

really too bad.” and you say, “oh! that’s fine!”

you’ll just keep f*****g bleeding then; are you supposed to stop this on your own?

you keep bleeding because you’re using a makeshift tourniquet and it’s fashioned

from an old t-shirt that your mom gave to you when you were only five. 

shut up shut up shut up

you want to say, because the weather is nice

and that song you like is playing and you’re driving to school and

you think that should be enough. why does this keep happening?

stop f*****g bleeding. why are you still bleeding when the weather is nice? 

you steal other people’s words because you can’t stay alive

on your own. that’s what i mean by monster:

you can’t exist by yourself. you refuse to. 

you only exist as long as people let you, as long as they 

cave into your silly little fantasies and tell you that they love you. 

as long as they keep giving you t-shirts that you can use as tourniquets,

because you’re always bleeding.

one day you’re going to run out of blood.

Reviews

[Pete]

sobering truth. people like to give us band aids for gaping wounds and then send us off with a pat on the back and a lolly pop and tell us that everything will be alright while we're disfigured with blood pouring out. it's okay they say. this is an interesting write, they truth can be deformed and scary ... :)

[Tepo]

Hi Lydia
I'm not so great at critique
But i do know what I like
I enjoyed this even though I'm not sure why
There are many really good reviewers on this site
So hope you keep posting
Just a wee welcome message to let you know I'm looking forward to reading more from you
Welcome