madeline

today is a good day

i boarded the bus

no one called my name

no one even cared

if i was there or not

 

i took my seat

in the front

where the losers sit

but after today i

won’t be a loser

 

i won’t ever have

to care what

everyone else

thinks about me

take out the pills

no one notices me

or what i’m doing

swallow the first

“madeline!” someone

finally calls my name

i turn around,

smile, pretend to

socialize for the last

time in my life.

turn back around and

swallow the second

five hours in a bus

for them is pure fun

for me is convenient

swallow the third

he looks at me and is

the only one who notices

what i am doing

“madeline?”

i only smile and

 

swallow the fourth

he’s concerned now

ever my older brother

who is not related to me

in any way except our twin souls

he always listening, except

for when he wasn’t

swallow the fifth

“madeline?”

i shrug. he doesn’t

matter anymore.

he can’t matter anymore

not when i’m so close

swallow the sixth

i’m so tired. just

exhausted. maybe if i

sleep i’ll feel better

maybe if i…

swallow the seventh

i brought a blanket

for a reason

the big blanket that

my best friend gave me

so she could be with me

in my last moments.

swallow the eighth

i curl into a ball on the

crushed velvet seats

see him watching me

almost fearfully

but maybe it’s just my

imagination.

 

i want to say “don’t

worry” but it’s too late

now i barely have

enough energy to

swallow the ninth

i can feel myself fading

fading fast

my head droops to the

blanket and my eyes flutter

swallow the tenth

my eyes close and

that’s when i notice

the bus doesn’t seem

to be moving anymore

doesn’t seem to be

lit up anymore

maybe they finally

turned off the lights.

Author's Note

I'm sorry if anyone who read this was sensitive to this kind of thing.

As always, comments and critiques are always appreciated. Don't worry about me and my ego (admittedly, it get quite large sometimes and I need help to deflate it). Don't be afraid to be honest, hit me with your best shot. I can take whatever you throw at me :)