Forgiving

A Poem by Galldora King

The title doesnt really do it justice. But hope you get it.

You kill me

Forgiven

You hurt me

Forgiven

You forgive me

Unforgiven

It hadnt always been like this. I have wondered often on how it came to pass. How your embrace was always there when i needed it. How you knew exactly what to say to make me feel so cared for. I loved your friendship and again i didnt know how it came to pass. We were friends in college and that night when you came to my door shivering as the wind chilled you to the bones. We were still friends. I dried you and scolded you. Wondering why you ever came in that weather. I still didnt know. But then again. I had come to your doorstep many times before, just to come. To be with you. It was a break really. From all the the nonsence that the world thumped upon our shoulders mercilessly. Some peace and quiet time that we all could use. Sometimes we would be at each others apartments for hours and say nothing. Once again the music would be on. Orchestral as it was. I loved it. The way everything was was so perfect. We knew each other yet we were strangers. Thinking of you was a hobby. Not that anything could happen. But that was it. Nothing could happen. Ever. We didnt speak of the things that we should have spoken of. We spoke of school and of old friends. Of politics and weather. Of family and pets and moments in our life that were so embaressing that it made you laugh to think about it. Somewhere our silence spoke. Because we came to know. We came to know and not to talk. I laughed my weird laugh that you said everyone loved. But it wasnt true. No one loved it except you. I remember i had hugged you one day. It had been raining. And i had hugged you till i fell asleep in your embrace. The music would be loudest on those days. You talked about how stupid the professors were and i told you they wouldnt be so stupid if you actually listened to what they were saying. You would say that now i was being stupid. I would tell you that you were being stupid. Then we would fight and end up on the floor laughing. We cooked togather sometimes and then you would go back to your apartment and come back to see everything so formal. Candels and red table cloths and all. We would be wearing T-shirts and Jeans and you would tell me how extremly wonderfull our cooking was. And i would tell you how stupid we look in our casual attire. Pianos and Violins were always there. We would talk late into the night and yet we would keep talking. You would tell me how it was late and you should be going. I would tell you yes you should. But yet you stayed a hour or two more. And in the morning i would tell you how you never went home and you would say i stopped you. Then sleepy eyed we would both go to college. One time my sister came over and was loooking for something. When i asked her what it was.

She replied "Well a radio of course. You dont have a radio in here do you?

"What? Of course i do. The musics always o...

She looked at me and gave me a look that convinced her i was going nuts. And i couldnt agree anymore. The music was always on...always...