Thump

Steal me from myself

Hide me in your heart

What if i become alone

What if im seperated from you

Come here

Make this heart beat

Let down your hair

Shy away from me

Let it rain

I have to talk to you

Come here

Steal me from myself

Dont make me alone

Dont be seperated from me

I love you

Ill die for you

Everyone says that

But it doesnt matter

For you my heart has thumped

God couldnt seperate us

Than what will death do?

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Okay i know its a really crappy poem. I love the last 2 lines and a couple other ones. Its sounds like a 5 year old is writing it in some places. I need to change that so any constructive critisism would be awesome.

Reviews

[R. Nella]

I'm not very good with poems that don't rhyme, but for me there are a few lines which use some very odd sequences or words... "What if i become alone", and "Dont make me alone" really stand out. "What if I were alone?", and "Don't leave me alone", would be my suggestions here.

Other than that, I think it flows quite well, but you need punctuation to assist the reader.