La Belle Femme

Will thine touch be able

 to be the happiness of my soul

 that it longed for

and sought hither and thither?

 

 But no, I shalt waylay myself,

 for I have divined in me that I am far,

 far from being worthy of the touch of a fair maiden

 many a man’s heart have fallen for!

 

Like a strikingly beautiful rose,

a lovely lass that you are,

 I’d only hurt myself from thy thorns,

 and I would only be defiling you with my blood!

 

 but behold my stalwart love:

 with ardent soul I would be glad to suffer

 in my own folly for your sake , no matter how

 indifferent thine feelings are for me! 

 

 

But oh, how profound is my sorrow!

For I know that no matter how much I fight,

No matter how much I were to write,

Sadly, it would only bear - nothing!

 

 Don’t you fret, dear maiden!

For I have no plans to court thee,

but instead to tell you in your oblivion,

of your unparalleled beauty!

 

 I can only appreciate your radiant smile from afar-

 and by doing so also makes me smile;

 my petty heart gets filled up by you ,

 and then suddenly , I get all giddy

 

I get giddy and thank the heavens,

 for bestowing the Earth of such a wonderful bloom-

 and that is none other than you,

oh dearest love of mine!

 

Author's Note

pardon my writing, I just wrote this in the middle of a boring class haha.
anyway feel free to comment, and I would appreciate it if you could point out my mistakes!

Reviews

[April Showers]

It's quite romantic and while it is unrequited love the speaker does not feel the sorrow only the joy at having know such a rare beauty. I do like the old world feel of it. The olde English way of speaking really gives it quite the dramatic flair. I really enjoyed this. I would not say there were any mistakes. I like your words choices. They are different from what I would have chosen in a few cases but that is not to say they are right or wrong, merely a matter of preference. Well done Francis, this is certainly a swoon worthy poem that would send the heart of your fair maiden into a warm flutter. Well, cheers to boring classes then! I look forward to reading more from you. Just one esthetic suggestion, if I may? I will... A poem such as this that speaks so beautifully, maybe try a fancier font? To make it look just as pretty.

[Francis Magnusson]

Thanks April!

[April Showers]

You're welcome!

[barleygirl]

I'm not too crazy about reading poetry written in the Elizabethan style, but for this genre, you've done a good job expressing your love story & yet still being straightforward enuf to be understandable & relatable. I think you've styled your expressions using tried & true ideas, which are fine for this type of poetry, but I would encourage you to also consider stretching yourself outside the realm of whatever style you've chosen, so that your poem has some unique & original ideas as well. Take a few of these cliché expressions & twist them a little bit into something unexpected, like admiring her ankles or wanting to kiss her toes or something detailed & refreshing.