the man who owns the world

an attempt to copy the original work if by RUDYARD KIPLING

if only you could love each other, you would be at peace 

doesn't that consist most of everybody's dreams 

if only you coud be as beautiful as a falling angle 

forget about physics the heart is a cristal 

if you can fascinate me with the beauty of your mind 

or the amount of informations in it you hide 

i assure you human , you would walk by kings side 

if you could cry all night and yet smile all day 

laugh, enjoy and keep the sorrows at bay 

for the sake of your dear ones ,you keep your tears away  

you are my darling as beautiful and strong as a shouting star 

if you can stand up and be the change you want to see in the world 

speak up and forget what people want 

follow your dreams no matter how far they are 

get ready and never get tired of running that far 

you know people are devils in angels disguise 

they'll try so hard to fill you up with lies 

and try none stop to make a failure the same as they are 

but if only you can forget about them and believe in who you are 

only like that my darling you'll drink from immortality's jar   

Reviews

[TheRaven]

You chose an excellent poem to pay tribute to and spin it to your own beat. I always say don't copy just try and bring your own voice to a tribute. But hey, we all start with imitation I suppose. A few typos and misspellings in here from 'cristal' to 'angle'. There's a lack of punctuation. Pay attention to Kipling's 'If'. All the commas have a purpose. There's a reason it flows the way it does. Punctuation matters otherwise your message is different than what you think it sounds like. It's a little cliche here in a few places, but I like your message. It's inspirational and has its beauty. Main thing here is be sure to get on top of grammatical errors. You follow a similar idea, 'if a person does these things, they will be immortal' where as Kipling's concept was 'if you can do these things, you will be a man'. All about knowing one's balance and the things they should know how to do in order to be a better person.

[S. von Glaubitz]

Before reading "If": Beautiful! Very inspiring. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, and I think the font combined with a lack of ending punctuation makes it a little difficult to parse (just something to play around with), but I had an easier time reading it out loud and it sounded great. I particularly love the line "forget about physics the heart is a cristal".

After reading "If": You did a nice job of capturing the feel of Rudyard Kipling's poem, but you absolutely made it all your own. I love the way you referenced his line "Or walk with King's", providing a nod to the original but making it part of the "then" rather than the "if".

I look forward to reading more of your poetry!

[gauravpal]

If only someone could read it carefully on a blue, monday morning his monday might not go as bad as he'd think it would. Indeed a motivating one. :)

[maissa]

Thank you so much ..glade you liked the work