The self is as self does

There is little more a trite experience

than to have been a teenage girl

in the throes of her Self

as that Self falls under

the selfish psychosis of infatuation.

Yet note the timeless loveliness

of her burgeoning blush,

blood blooming in rosewater -

amidst averted eyes, manic cries

of loose cannon laughter -

a reckless innocence.

Today a homeless man under Boston

wanted to sell me and Robin

a metro card with $5 on it.

Maybe he'd dug through trash

or a kind-hearted nearly-departed tourist

gave him the opportunity to make some cash

it's enough for both of you!

But I, taste of distrust on my tongue, asked

why he was selling,

as if his hunch and carry weren't telling

enough, he shrugged

I need the money man

And he lowered the price to $4,

at which point Robin handed

over four ones to this scammer

and I still could not be sure

that the card would work

even as we keyed it with ease

through the subway doors.

later

my gut would twist to knots

as I pictured again and again

how I'd turned away

at the moment he'd thanked us

with a lovely smile

and knowing that 5th dollar

would rot in my pocket, disdainful,

disgusted at me.

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

yes, yes, i know i know the weight of that righteous haunting...we do this to ourselves, and ultimately for ourselves...we have collections of such things, but imagine who we would be if we couldn't see...part of the virtue of all this is the occasion for writing a good clean crisp poem

[M. Shepherd]

How true. Is it ethical for me to purge this way, who's to say.

[Beccy]

A striking poem, the language is so wonderfully acute and descriptive and the image you conjure up in the mind's eye of two teenage girl's, their eyes full of mistrust and doubt is pin sharp and the closing two stanzas are almost gut wrenching in their brutal honesty.

I'm so glad I read Edward's poem 'rangoon' and was directed to this superb piece of writing.

Beccy.

[M. Shepherd]

Thank you Beccy I appreciate the thoughts - I owe much to Ed for directing such thoughtful people this way.

[redzone]

we live in an inhuman system and so we are affected by its inhumanness, in how we look at and treat each other.. we think we have it so great and yet there are billions who live even less than the beggar you describe and all because a few prosper off the backs of others... what does it mean for us to live off of others and thrive while so many suffer??? A moral and ethical question and problem does arise with such disparity, which is in my opinion, why do we allow a system like this to continue?? How can we stand by and allow so much suffering go on??

I must admit I read Jacobs poem first and then came here to read your poem Marcie... I'm glad I did and I too wound through the dilemma you raised and the ending you came too... as individuals we did not create this system and situation we find ourselves, but we can do much to change it...

thank you Marcie for your poem and thoughts...
redzone

[M. Shepherd]

It's very true redzone, I did not create the system and unfortunately they don't accept too much random immigration to Scandinavia where people would be taken care of on part of my dollar.. I appreciate the thoughts.

[W.k.kortas]

Having read the poem the good erin-cliberto wrote as a follow-up to this, I thought it wise to head this way, and well that I did. The piece is everyday urban reality raised to the power of parable, which is neither easy nor done well enough often enough. This piece is the goods.

[M. Shepherd]

Appreciate the kind words, sir :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is really difficult to trust others these days...especially those looking for a handout. And we do turn away...i don't think we gain that mistrust until we start getting older and more jaded.

we aren't born mistrustful...it grows...and often we are filled with regrets when we find out that someone was actually sincere...as did the speaker here at the end....such a strong finish to this poem....that one dollar rotting in the pocket of shame.

[Pete]

Loose cannon laughter. I like that. Love the homeless guy story.

[. serah .]

-- i like that you started the narration with the image of a former 'self'... because i feel we carry certain impressions in our subconscious mind... (without quite realizing it sometimes)... and these impressions play havoc when they want to... (as it appears in this case)... -- oh, and the closing is compelling and has the fragrance of pleasant (albeit brutal) introspection... -- this post was quite a journey... it triggered many memories that i have of me doing similar things...

[M. Shepherd]

Yes! Precisely. It's also just the contrast of that self in a perceived peak vs a perceived failure.. but both are products of that very duality, that very "self" as it sees itself foreign from what exists outside of it.

[. serah .]

-- hmmm... and it's quite unnerving to make eye-contact with that duality... -- i saw my own reflection in your words... i saw the contrast in my own psyche...