Kicking Dark Witch

Tinkerbell,Peter Pan,Snowhite,Huntsman and Rapunzel v.s the Dark Witch

 

Running steed ridden by a headless warrior,

Flowing dark clouds dim the forest core,

The Evil Dragon spite fire to the realm of the magical forest,

Send off all princess and fairies lost into the haze,

 

The Dark Witch hexes, raising her hands into the sky,

Thunder and lightning strikes from a distance mile,

The cosmos of Fantasia suddenly awakens,

All fairies and princess frightfully shaken,

Precipitously skies glistening, soaring Tinkerbell and Peter Pan,

Gear up for war is Princess Snowhite and the Huntsman,

Now the Dragon stumbles and blinded because of Tinkerbell,

Dark soldiers crushed by the hair of Rapunzel ,

Peter Pan does all the runs, circling the Witch and tied her by his hand,

Snowhite embeds the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart,

The Huntsman slashes the monster body and breaks her apart,

Explosions comes after split seconds,

The Witch and her evil creatures vanished for good in the fairies  land.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

OK, I need some guidance from you, Mark. On what aspects of the poem would you have me comment? Here are your choices: Emotional, Material, Form, Grammatical, Context, Sensory, Substance, Message, Audience, Vainpraise. Please, let me know. Thanks.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it big time. thanks for the honest thought you have.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of childhood on its head while at the same time castigating and miscasting color into an arbitrary place holder for biased philosophies of good and evil. How's that? :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Fine :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am glad you said that :) it really helps.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Yes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important aspect of the feedback.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1 month now I am writing and I don't have a good background in poetry, so I have a long road to go. I tried so many style in writing as you observed I wrote a lot, also some short story. This comment will helps to build a more promising portfolio and I value every single comments I got, bad or good it solidify my chance to become a good writer someday. :)

[Tate Morgan]

You seem adept at finding the right music to these to set them off well done

[SM Davis]

Inventive. I got stuck inside the phrase precipitously skies glistening. Perhaps would be better to say precipitous skies glistening? The adverb has no where to go...turning it into an adjective may serve the purpose of the phrase better. Otherwise it reads like a stream of consciousness. Unique. Nice.

[Jack...]

Marc, you just took me on a fariytale ride and I enjoyed every minute of it. Very cool.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jack :) I just try doing this mix stuff :) thanks for the reads.

[Peter H]

the soundtrack makes this an epic read its awesome how u combined all of those classics into one poem i completely adored this

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. your words is always an inspiration.

[Trigorin]

You have a good concept, but make sure to check your spelling and grammar. This is a good narrative, but I personally think it'd be more suited as a short story - you'd be able to work in more salient details and it would be more engaging considering the topic, I think. If you want to keep it as a poem, I'd consider using a bit more metaphorical language and not focusing on a strict 'sequence of events' as it were.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Got it Tri, thanks for the support. Can you revert where I made my mistakes?

[Trigorin]

The fourth line, 'send off' should be two words. If 'fantasia' is a proper noun, it ought to be capitalized. Little things like that. Just look over this again more carefully.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Aha thanks Tri, I will look for it and be aware next time. Thanks a lot!

[Gerald Parker]

Beware, Sir Marc, of people who praise.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I knew Mr. Wiseman :) thanks for the care :) you really my friend.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

the music you chose to go with this piece is perfect. Your lines build and build......glorious.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Neva :) glad you like it even it is random :) thanks for your precious time.

[emmajoy]

This is a fantasy in itself: characters coming and going, altering shape and meaning. Strange how you see cartoon as dark and near dangerous, somehow like the old fairty tales, some of which are really scary. But, as should be, the light defeats the night .. much appause! If I may, congratulations for writing in English and being able to take the language into your own place; there are a few minor errors but you've made it very clear that you're learning all the time and that's so honest and brave, Marc.

A wonderful post, very graphic and as a whole, finely created.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Em, I am very happy reading your thought in this work of mine, I am hesistant first because I thought the other writers will not welcome this craft but I am wrong, :) most of you here like this chemistry. I am very thankful to have all of you giving an honest review, I am still struggling but with all the support I am very happy to write more. Thanks a lot Em, Cheers!

[Ohhhwillow]

Your picture was an immediate attraction to this piece - just great! As a huge fan of fantasy I loved every word of this piece, and the style you employed, with end-stopping rhyming added to the atmosphere with the vision of nursery rhyme, like chimes in te distance

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow, I love your thought Willow, I am glad your insight solidifies the artistic goal of this piece. I just tried doing mixed up things I thought it won’t work but I am wrong, majority of the readers accept the chemistry of Peter Pan et all fantasia. Thanks a lot.

[Keith LaFountaine]

I love it! You certainly have an awesome sense of depth and how to layer multiple emotions and sense on top of one another without any of them becoming too overpowering. Keep up the good work!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Keith I am glad you like it, yeah I love to write more about this and I happy majority of the writers like this piece. I will visit your write soon and I already put some of your works inmy reading list to review it on weekend. Thanks a lot. I appreciate your precious time.