Kite

Kite

A Poem by Markus Anthony
"

Random stuff

"
When Sam bit that lizard off the wall
You were fast to rescue it
It was paralyzed.
You scolded Sam.

When two kittens got trapped in a road pipe.
We took them out using a stick.
It was the night we talked about many stuff
of death

I'd wish for more
Than just a beer mixed with Sprite
but for your memories
tied to the end of the kite
as I watch it fly
and bring me to heights.

To smell the vanilla in your skin
and feel the longing in your hair.
I'd for fall for you over again
Despite the summer ghost
The May in the rain
the days that passed
and caused me pain.

However the winds have changed
and sanity took over my brain
i realised
you are free as a bird
with slowness of a turtle
with unending journey
with aimless flight

and as you hovered for a little while
i saw my world stop
to shelter you in my arms
warm you in such little time
but you know how happy I was
when u said you'll never go go
to know you'll stay stay.

your aimless flight
in the summer of May
from the pod that was my heart
your wings were gliding in the wind
to find my hands unattached
the strings you cut
and released from my grasp.

and in August you came back
and sent flutters down my heart
as old scars opened and fell apart
I finally had the courage
to untie my hands from that kite
and found myself unbound
My feet back to the soft ground.

i hope soon it would be painless
your sightings I'd care less
I'd let Sam catch lizards off the wall
and kittens back to their safe hole
it will be the last time I'll romanticise
you're not a bird, nor a turtle or a kite
just a stupidly vivid memory in the night

© 2019 Markus Anthony


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Author's Note

Markus Anthony
Sam is the name of my cat.

My Review

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Featured Review

I haven't seen you around the cafe, so thanks for read-requesting, to remind me to check out what you've been doing. I love this poem on many levels, as an example of how to write a love poem that is NOT predictable or ho-hum! Your descriptions sparkle with unusual interesting observations, especially in the first 3 stanzas. Thru the middle of your poem, you do a great job of presenting feelings in terms of imagery . . . the meaning of SHOW instead of tell. And the ending is so strong, with that surprising splash of honesty, narrator slapping across his own face. So much of what many people call "love" is just mental gyrations when NOT with so-called loved one, imagining what cannot be predicted, obsessing as an escape from real life. That's the slap I feel at the end & it's VERY satisfying! -- becuz I hate love poems that go on & on with a bunch of pie-in-the-sky fantasy imaginations that may or may not ever come to pass! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Markus Anthony

4 Months Ago

Thanks Margie. Internship is rough,m and I'm happy I was able to find time writing despite of the to.. read more



Reviews

So only after reading the piece, as an afterthought, we learn who Sam is? Given that you never mention the cat again, Wouldn't it make more sense to either make the reader know that Sam is a cat, or simply say, "my cat?" In the end, who cares what the cat's name is?

I mention this, at the start, because here are several critical things that you know because you have context and intent, that the reader needs to know to make sense of the words. Who or what Sam is, for starters.

Look at this, not as the author, but as a reader, who knows nothing but what the words suggest, as-they're-read, and based on their background, not your intent. Look at the questions this raises in a reader's mind that won't occure to you, who have that intent and foreknowledge:

• When Sam bit that lizard off the wall

Who's Sam? And "that lizard?" How can it be a specific, "that lizard," when I don't know if it's a pet, a deadly intruder, or even the smallest thing about it. As it's read Sam could be doing a service, eliminating a pest, or killing a pet. You know. Sam knows. The one being addressed knows. The reader? No. You're showing effect before cause, or in some cases. without cause.

• You were fast to rescue it.

Refresh my memory. When and where did I do that? Might it not make sense for the reader to have some idea of who the speaker is calling, "you," and what the purpose of this is as-they-read?

So we now have three people in this little drama? Might it not be nice for a reader to know what century, and what country this takes place in? Age and gender of the humans involved tells the reader a lot, so...if only we knew.

See how your foreknowledge and intent make it have perfect meaning for you, but leaves the reader saying, "Huh?" Write from your chair, of course. But always edit from that of a reader who has only what tour words suggest to them. And assume they won't make any connections you don't imply.

And in the end, the lizard was paralyzed? I'm not certain the term rescue works given that the lizard died.

• When two kittens got trapped in a road pipe.

A man and a wife discussing? Two ten year olds? And what's a "road pipe?" Is that vertical? Horizontal?

Again, you have intent and a visualization guiding your understanding, but assuming that the kittens are "stuck" they must fill the pipe. so what can a stick do but poke them? It won't either push or pull, as I see it. You might have a clear picture, but me? I'm still wondering what's going on, who this person is talking to, and why. That matters a great deal to how the words should be taken.

Apparently, this is about a male and female of unknown background, location, and situation who were lovers at one time (something, again, we learn too late.

You did write this for the reader, after all, so to make sense of it, they need context as-they-read.

At the end, we know that two unknown people were involved for an unknown time, then separated for unknown reasons, but got back together for an unknown time, till the speaker decided to end things, for unknown reasons.

But...what in the hell does a cat catching a lizard and unknown people rescuing unknown kittens mean to a reader or the story? What does it tell that's relevant to the events? You know. The unknown "you" knows. Shouldn't the reader know?

Remember, poetry is an emotion-based form, with the emotion being that which your words raise in the reader, not the emotion you talk about. The idea isn't to make the reader "know," but to make them feel what the character is feeling.

As a minor point, if you're going to rhyme, as you do in S3, they either should all rhyme, or none of them should. Likewise, as a general thing, stanza length is usually consistent.

For a good intro to the flow of language in all prose, and structured poetry in particular, take a look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Traveled. on Amazon.

Sorry my news wasn't better, but...well. you did ask...

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/


Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cats are such independent pets. They come and go as they please but always return to those who love them.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I haven't seen you around the cafe, so thanks for read-requesting, to remind me to check out what you've been doing. I love this poem on many levels, as an example of how to write a love poem that is NOT predictable or ho-hum! Your descriptions sparkle with unusual interesting observations, especially in the first 3 stanzas. Thru the middle of your poem, you do a great job of presenting feelings in terms of imagery . . . the meaning of SHOW instead of tell. And the ending is so strong, with that surprising splash of honesty, narrator slapping across his own face. So much of what many people call "love" is just mental gyrations when NOT with so-called loved one, imagining what cannot be predicted, obsessing as an escape from real life. That's the slap I feel at the end & it's VERY satisfying! -- becuz I hate love poems that go on & on with a bunch of pie-in-the-sky fantasy imaginations that may or may not ever come to pass! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Markus Anthony

4 Months Ago

Thanks Margie. Internship is rough,m and I'm happy I was able to find time writing despite of the to.. read more

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Added on August 25, 2019
Last Updated on November 17, 2019
Tags: animal lover

Author

Markus Anthony
Markus Anthony

About
I'm Markus, a struggling medical student who loves to write poems based on romantic impulses and personal experience. On my own from markanthony.celestial on 8tracks Radio. more..

Writing