There

This is pretty much a raw draft of nonsense haha. But its something that I felt the need to write after having to emotionally deal with the loss of someone. I appreciate any honest opinions & criticism from anyone.

 

How is questioning harder then doing?

 

I wanted to scream & cry & die.

I wanted to crawl into a hole & ask…

Why?

 

When things seemed so much like a dream

Why are there nightmares to scare?

 

You took it all away

My heart ached and shattered

& as each piece fell

You collected…as if it were glass

Cold & smooth

 

& not something once

Beating faster & faster & faster

 

For you.

 

You once told me

That the hardest part of loving is letting go

 

& you were right.

I wanted to never let go

No matter how blindly I fell in love with you

I never ever wanted to let go

 

My thoughts are clouded

My heart is no more

My soul has flown away

My words have drifted off & left me

 

You let go…again.

 

I can’t hate you or love you

I can’t think of you or feel for you

 

You’ve left me in a blank.

With questions you’ll never answer

With a body you’ll never touch

With eyes you’ll never look into

With hands you’ll never hold

With a kiss you’ll never give

With a lifetime you’ll miss

 

“I’ll never let go”

 

 

Author's Note

please ignore grammatical mistakes, as there will probably be lots.
I'd just like over all opinion of the writing itself. =]

Reviews

[Freedom]

This is so sad!

I notice that the key emotion stays stationary throughout the whole piece; i think that may be because you were writing in only one stage of loss. There are a good deal of stages of people's reactions to loss; basically just denial, depression/hysteria, and acceptance/resignation, in that order. Obviously the stage you were portraying was between depression and resignation, but even within those solid stages, there's a lot of different shades of gray. Although the poem as a whole is truly beautiful and open, it could improve even more if you amplified some more of your points of view, or ways of dealing with the loss.

It's never easy to write about loss; when we write about it, we try to search for the honesty, the feelings we have, so that we can get it all out and express it..but the problem is that until you're fully over the loss, you won't be able to write everything you feel about it.

But goddamn, this has sure got some hardcore emotion. That last part where you talk about all the things that can never happen anymore is definitely where you tie in your audience. The only thing about that part is that in trying to structure it as you did, i think you limited yourself. If you were more liberal in the structure of that stanza, the pathos appeal could be way stronger.

I like that ending quote, it's a good note to tie it all in with; the audience can't know for sure whose it is..we want it to be from the intended audience, but at the same time we don't want anything to do with him because we sympathize with our speaker, so it provides something bittersweet to make us think.
I don't like that very last line, though. If you wanted to keep it for sure, then I think it would be better without that elipsis, but that line is so summarizational, and what it says is implied so strongly throughout the poem. I think it would just end perfectly without that very last line.
Or, if you're really set on keeping it, maybe restructure it or something, keep the bit about the promise.

[Pauline Marie Daley]

Oh, I can just feel the sorrow in this poem! When we're lucky enough to find someone who will turn our lives into a wonderful dream, its a very special thing. Unfortunately in this wicked world, nightmares do rear their ugly heads. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope writing this helped you, its certainly inspired me. Beautiful job. :-)