GIVING UP MY PRIDE; SO I CAN FULFILL MY PURPOSE

stephanycacas.journal11/8/14

November 8,2014

Are you willing to give up to go up?

That is my question to myself. Am I willing to give up my pride and fight for my purpose? Now I realized that the very reason I’m paralyzed to start whatever goal I have in my mind is because of my pride. I want to finish my studies because I’m so insecure with my batchmates and friends who already graduated and started their journey for their chosen careers. I’m afraid to fail my family’s expectation. I always want to excel. I always want to achieve things more than what others expect. I want to succeed. But despite of that great desire, I still fail, make mistakes, make poor choices and most especially fall into temptation. Now I realized that I focused too much on my fears, fear of failure, fear of rejection and fear of humiliation. That is because of my pride. I don’t want to be left behind in my social status. And when the pain of hurting my pride crosses my system, especially each time I remember where I am now and where I could have been, unconsciously I try to resort to temporary pain killers that eventually steals the time and energy I could have used to do the right things.

I also focused on what and where I want to be. I focused too much on the goal. I forgot to ask and remind myself for whom and for what am I fighting for. I forgot to focus on the reason why I need to fulfill my goals, why I need to achieve my dreams.

That is why, I need this detour in my life. I need to be broken so I can be whole again. I need to go through this confusing stage in my life so I can finally realize the things I need to learn about myself that I thought I already knew. I need this awful tasting medicine so that I can finally be healed. This revealed the hidden selfishness and pride I have in my dark side that I need to bring into the light of God’s grace and mercy. This is painful, but this is worth the price.

This made me realize as well that no matter what mistakes, failures and poor choices I made, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Like I was in the right path and that God is still in control of my life and He will finish whatever He started in me.

Now I’m willing to give up to go up. I’m willing to give up my pride and ultimately fight for my purpose. Wanting  to get a degree was just a pride to appease my ego, but being successful to help my family and  to help the kingdom of God was my ultimate purpose. I want to be Jesus’ hand here on earth to bless my family and others. I want something meaningful more than what my life can offer. I want to serve, to love and to make a difference for the glory of God. 

Reviews

[hxldxncxxns]

Although we fight for different causes, I really enjoyed this. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend a while back about one taking his or her own path, because in the end, you gotta do what you gotta do. It's like the book Damien, you gotta find your path and do what makes you happy. Don't let others or your own pride get in the way of what you fight for.