Unmasking the Insanity *HOW IT ALL BEGAN*

THIS IS THE BEGINNING.

  

CHAPTER 1

 

THE TALL MAN

 

   Ray Pendleton lives for nothing more than to punish those who sin.

 

   The day had started overcast, the sky awash with various shades of grey, but now it was turning jet-black, just like that of Satan’s soul. The thunder rumbled across the land and the streaky lightning emblazoned the sky.

   Ray drove down the high street in his old, grey van, kitted out and customised for his needs. The back windows were tinted and sealed shut, he’d soundproofed the inside, making it a cozy playroom to transport his victims from one place to the next. Chains and shackles were fixed to the floor and along the wall were numerous hammers, drills, and saws. The van’s side sliding doors made it easy to capture and contain.

   Ray parked his van opposite the Cosmo Bar and sat patiently, lying in wait for the group of friends to arrive that he nicknamed ‘The Sinful Six.’

   On this night, he wasn’t the gatekeeper of the nightclub door, nor was he there to socialise or drink; something far more sinister brewed in the dark corners of his twisted mind. He watched and observed the partygoers coming and going with a look of disgust and contempt.

   Filthy animals, he thought to himself, as they all played out lurid and melodramatic acts of drunk and disorderly behaviour.

   The blackened clouds struggled to withstand the burden of the weight they’d been holding back for a while. But, with another clap of thunder, the clouds suddenly gave way to an instant downpour of thick, heavy rain.

   An immediate covering of water appeared on the street, sending people scurrying off in all different directions as the rain poured down with an almighty roar.

   Ray gazed dully at the dashboard clock; it wasn’t nine yet, but he knew his 'Sinful Six' would arrive soon.

   The rain whipped down like crystal nails but, through the fierce sheets of rain, the Sinful Six had appeared. One by one, they stepped out from the black cab which had brought them into town. Ray watched on as they all made a dash for shelter under the roof of the Cosmo Bar. And, just like that, a curtain of black fell over his graveyard eyes. 

   He’d been a danger in their shadows for several months, an enigmatic stranger some might say, a man who didn’t exist. He looked on at the Sinful Six like that of a butcher, sizing them up like pieces of meat. With a shallow smile from cheek to cheek, his mask was as cold as a funeral.

   The group consisted of a mixture of personalities.  Some had stories to tell while the rest were more conservative and played the quiet and shy kind. But, the one thing they all had in common, the one thing they never revealed to anybody, was the darker side of their persona, shrouding them in a grave blanket of secrecy and sin. Each individual portrayed themselves as a Doctor Jekyll to the outside world but, behind closed doors, their characteristics couldn’t be more different, being more comparable to that of Mr Hyde.  

    There was Zara, a sexually promiscuous woman, who thought nothing about flaunting her body online to like-minded guys while her boyfriend Ben would secretly wager money on a roll of a dice and chanced his arm at the turn of a card. Johnny was the quiet one, an introvert some might say, but he held late-night sexting sessions with Zara, unbeknown to Ben, who sat downstairs, gambling all his money away. Craig was the troublemaker of the group, who was always pulling pranks on his friends. His best friend was Casey, who lived with Drake. This couple was a little older than the rest. They seemed to have it all, but all that glittered was not gold.

   Ray had looked distastefully at the individuals for a while now, knowing that when they laid their heads down at night, each and every one of them would wrap and consume themselves in a blanket of sin, all choosing to bed the devil, Beelzebub and his dastardly ways. His hatred for these people was palpable. But he had plans, plans to deliver terror, turmoil, and anarchy to the doorsteps of each and every one of the Sinful Six’s tumultuous lives.

    Life had dealt Ray some tough blows. His mother was a w***e and his father a gambling man. He’d suffered years of abuse at their hands; every day was punishment day. Both parents had canes " each more than a yard long and half an inch thick. One, two, three " in quick succession, the whooshing sound of the cane coming through the air and then, the thud. Four, five, six. The blows were thick and fast. With each blow, the skin softened and the pain grew. One time, he’d been hit so hard that the bamboo cane had broken, snapped completely in half.  

   But those days had gone, that was Ray’s adolescence life. Now, he was a strong, intense individual, obsessed with philosophies of vengeance and retribution. He lived a single life now, deep in the woods, preferring to stay away from prying eyes and all people who lied.  

   Ray fired up the van and got ready to leave, but not before tapping at his phone and hitting send. Then, lifting one hand, he slipped his fingers under the seatbelt strap and fastened himself in. With a subtle look of amusement, Ray pushed down on the accelerator and drove away.  

   The recipients of Ray’s message were the Sinful Six and the message was sent under the identity of an unknown number. The message which they had all received read:

Soon your secrets will be out. They are not safe with me. The Tall Man is real and he’s coming out to play. 

Author's Note

ENJOY

Reviews

[BBP]

Marky Mark....... You really have such a gift. Like always, your descriptions are so deep and defining, that is where you shine. You can literally feel the rain and see the nightclub entrance.

You can also feel the hatred and disgust Ray has for the Sinful Six. It's almost tangible.

The rain whipped down like crystal nail... That line is ace. Just another example of how versatile you are with descriptions.

This chapter is laid out perfectly to set the scene, even though they aren't that bad of people in their sins, this chapter makes you believe they are the devil's playmates! lol

I love Ray and can't wait to be able to read the entire book...one day I will be buying it off the shelves!!!!!

[Sinbulvinter]

I rally enjoy the Ray character, the line "lives to punish those who sin." really drew me in and made me want to know more.
He reminds me of Richard Kuklinski, a contract killer who shares the same cold-hearted attitude as Ray does.

Great job with character creating here, and expressing emotions and views the character has. He feels very real. I like this story a lot.

[Stars and Whales]

You always set the scenes very well with vivid descriptions and mood-setting adjectives. From there, I am completely IN the story and don't leave until the last word. It grips the reader and doesn't let go.

The evil, the malice. It's great, and it's genuine. I really liked the parallel you made with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Brilliant. The new characters are interesting, and each has their own unique personality.

I feel for Ray's suffering.

"The Tall Man is real and he's coming out to play." Wicked terrifying. I'm excited for the next chapter. I'd like to see this as a horror movie, comparable to the works of Stephen King. Stephen King's writings are some of my favourite pieces of literature of all time, and your book, however not quite at that level, is comparable in tone and STORY, which is what matters. The story you have created is brilliant.

Good work my friend. Let me know if I can share my script with you, just message me your gmail.

[Jacob Clifford]

It's obvious you've put a lot of effort into this story, with the personalities and backstories of the characters and all of Ray's preparation and equipment. I can understand, if not relate to, Ray. I know you're a fan of horror movies, and your characters and settings seem to fit very well into that genre. I'm not horribly familiar with it, but so far the story seems to work with itself. I of course don't know exactly where the story goes from here, but it might be a good idea to let the readers get to know Ray more thoroughly than the general information we have so far. If you already have that in the story, great. If not, it could make this story mean more to the reader. To know and understand a character and watching him live his life is much more satisfying than not knowing much about the protagonist. I'm sure you already know that, though. As always, I wish you the best of luck with this story.

[matrixmark]

Hello clifford...long time no see. The story of Ray is unfolded throughout the book. This is chapter 1 and I cant giveaway anymore than I have. It will all be revealed wehn it comes out.

Good to see you again.

Mark.

[Antonio Marco]

Fantastic.. Def. caught my attention in the first paragraph! "making it a cozy playroom to transport his victims....brilliant.

[Nicole Philipa K.]

I thought i was coming to read two short stories but I ended up reading all the available chapters... captivating right from the start. I'm eager to read more, Mark. only problem i could identify was a few typos, but other than that, the story line and the background of the characters kept me reading. Thoroughly enjoyed.

[matrixmark]

Gad you liked it. The only final drafts are this one and the random chapter. The others are first drafts. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read, I really do appreciate it.

Mark.

[Nicole Philipa K.]

Any time, Mark. I am looking forward to more of your work. :)

[Jessica Lima]

I love the plot, the characters, and your writing style. However, I can't shake the feeling I've read something of the sort before.

Guy that thinks he is doing good (in his twisted mind) but the reader can tell he is only playing God. The club scene. All the secrecy. I think there is an episode of BLACK MIRROR on Netflix that's very similar to your new chapter.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... Shake it up a bit on the next chapters Mark. Its good but its predictable. I expect a lot from you, that's why I won't be kissing you a*s. All in all it was a great read. Just what peaks my interest, that's why I think, I can't shake the feeling that this is not very original.

[matrixmark]

Having never seen the black mirror episode, i cant comment. But beleive me - the book is totally unpredictable - this is only chapter 1. Theres a whole bookful of chapters.

Mark.

[Jessica Lima]

I guess i'll have to see it to believe it. :) let me know if/when it gets published. Like I said, just the kind of stuff I love to read. But Mark, I have very high standards when it comes to you. You have a gift so don't disappoint me!!! I really hope its something I haven't read before.

[matrixmark]

It is nothing you have ever read before. When you say shake it up - do you not think I already know that or.....
I dont understand how you can say its predictable when all I have up here are 5 chapters of out many. - I am confused. You say it was a great read but you also say you wont kiss my a*s - confused. I dont want anybody kissing my a*s but at the same time by calling my piece unoriginal is VERY premature.

Mark.

[BBP]

Worst thing you can say to a writer, that you've already seen this before? Writers take pride in their imagination fueling their story, it's like telling a girl she could be prettier if she just put on more make up. Maybe some words should just stay inside........

[Jessica Lima]

First of all, Mark asked my personal opinion, and I gave it to him, the uncensored version. I did for him what I wish other had done for me. I wrote a good two chapters which I was proud of, but watched something that showed me it was already out there. Helped me to stop wasting my time. If I have hurt Mark's feelings, I hope he knows he can approach ,e and ill apologize to him. But I will take nothing back unless he asks me to. serious writers have to get used to all kinds of review. Life aint all sunshine and rainbows.

[Mr.Writer]

Can't things be coincidental?

[matrixmark]

Yes I did ask for a personal opinion BUT i didn't expect it to be on the lines of judging a book on ONE chapter....as the saying goes - NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER or in this case chapter. I gave a personal opinion back. The way in which you came across was that you'd already judged my book by ONE chapter. You have no idea whats in the book and it was a very premature comment you gave. Many of us have seen scenes like mine BUT its the rest what matters. I have seen many movies, read COUNTLESS books and I know for a fact that nothing what I have done has never been done before - YES serial killers have been done - NO not in the way in which I am doing it.

Mark.

[BBP]

Don't worry honey it wasn't meant to be a therapy session, I just was saying somethings are better left unsaid.

People get shot, people get stabbed, people fall in love and people get kidnapped......

These things essentially happen in all horror stories, doesnt mean its already out there, its the effort you put in to creating characters and plot twists and the order in which those things are done.

Like Mr. Writer said....all that s**t can be coincidence because it's the way life is......

and what I was saying is by telling him it's not original......... those are big words to throw at someone.

I'm sure you didn't hurt his feelings, he's a big boy. My comment was solely my opinion as a writer.

Sunshine and Rainbows........got a line similar to that in my book.......s**t, now I gotta remove it.

[Jessica Lima]

LOL. you can go ahead and keep the line, I stole it myself. But Mark, I wasn't judging your entire book. Just what I read. The two chapters I did read, I have seen it over and over in books, tv shows, etc (guy blackmailing one person or a group of people thinking he is somehow above them? The victims acting like puppets so their secret don't come out or to protect someone they love? daddy issues?). I did not mean to disrespect your work in any way, but I won't lie or sugarcoat things. That's what I meant about kissing your a*s. And Bev, if I looked prettier wearing make up my bf better tell me!!! And no doubt all the similarities are coincidental, but they are still there. Still real. All in all Mark. I now retract everything that I said, I will not give you any more feedback. I refuse to sensor what's in my mind, doing so makes it less true, makes it less... Jess.

[matrixmark]

Right, it seems we are going round and round in circles. AGAIN it is nothing like what has been done before. OF COURSE people die in books and get blackmailed - it happens all the time - nobody can get away from that. BUT its the STORY which is DIFFERENT and that's the point you seem to have completely missed......THE STORY.

Mark

[Jessica Lima]

That's the thing YOU missed Mark. I have not seen this story which you talk about so I can only talk about what I HAVE seen...again.

[matrixmark]

So you want me to put my whole book up - i dont think so.

Thing is what YOU have missed is that EVERY BOOK, MOVIE has bits and pieces which WE HAVE ALL SEEN BEFORE.

Mark.

[Jessica Lima]

I never said to put your whole book. But you want me to trust a story I haven't see. I won't do that. I told you on a previous comment to let me know when you publish it for real so I can go buy it, but I get that you chose to ignore THAT part huh? and no, I know pretty good writers who are very creative and come up with stuff I kick myself for not thinking of it first. But they have been in the business for years... anyway. I feel like I truly aggravated you now. I apologize.

[matrixmark]

There is no need to apologized, I'm not aggrivated,I am just trying to say that ALL books/movies have bits and pieces in which we have all seen or read and it is IMPOSSIBLE to get away from. But its the STORY that counts.
But now you talk about trusting a story that you havent seen - Just trust me when I say its different - I aint going to lie to you. Of course I want you to buy it, all I am trying to make you have a better understanding of my work without giving away the story, because to give the story away then I wont sell any books - thats why I have only posted up 5 chapters - 2 in final draft and the others in first draft.

Mark.

[Jessica Lima]

Dayum this is a long thread. Alright Mark. When it gets published be sure to let me know. i'll be impatiently waiting.

[matrixmark]

It's been fun.
No harm done.
I sure will let you know.

Mark.

[ben]

This made me think of a particular scene from Silence of the lamb. Malformed in thinking, the main character reeks of sulfur, his fingers ignoring the warmth of the crucifix.

[Zoya]

Gosh! Reading your work is a real privilege. This book is so thrilling! With all the surprises and twists and breath-taking dialogues and everything. The last paragraph here gave me shivers down my spine. Amazing!

[Hebe]

This is just down right EVIL!.... it's just jumping off the page! (screen) It's a great entrance, it grips you from the 1st line! The imagery is powerful and Ray is just horrific in every way (just as he should be)!.
This is skillfully written and brilliant ...great job Mark :)

[Jes' Pi]

Nice chapter you have here..
Two of the names made me think about something...and I expect something from you...but I won't tell what. Continue.

[matrixmark]

Thanks for the review. But i have no idea what you are expecting from me.
Thanks once again.

Mark.