Codependency

I don’t want to be famous.

I want to be left alone.

I shut the door on

the world

and I wonder why

no one knocks.

My room is

the only place

I can begin to stand it.

It’s messy,

books strewn

everywhere

crumpled papers

of failed poems

blanket the floor

like white christmas.

It’s a representation

of my contained

inner chaos.

I should get

a typewriter

just to fall

asleep at it

every night

and wake up to

it at noon.

I want to be

utterly obsessed.

I want to straddle

the lines

between passion

and madness.

I want an ashtray

and a bottle of

bourbon,

half-eaten

meals,

and a wild look

in my eyes.

I want to become

a recluse

lock myself in

my room

and not leave

for days

to where my

family

wonders if I’m still alive.

I want to sacrifice myself

on the altar of my words.

I want to lose my f*****g mind

speak cryptically

and act unpredictably.

I want to flush

those goddam pills

down the shitter

and see who I really am.

Madness

is my b***h lover

who comes home late

with lipstick on her

collar

and whiskey on her breath

calls me baby

then crashes my car.

I couldn’t leave her

even if I tried.

She steals my last cigarette

then reminds me

who pays the bills.

“I f****n’ hate you,”

I tell her.

“C’mon, baby,

don’t be like that.”

She pulls at my waist

and kisses me

hard on the mouth

drags me into bed

with her

and I’m back

at square one.

She gets me

so turned around,

she’s a f****n’ garbage fire

but I keep on

comin’ back for more.

God damn this codependency.

Author's Note

I am looking for constructive feedback, anything would be appreciated! Thank you!