Dear Diary

I found this in my friends' cubicle a few weeks ago and thought it was hysterical.

September 17^th                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       I moved into my new apartment today. The movers were nice, so I asked one of them out turns out, he was a gay prostitute. Oh well.

 

September 18^th                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       I killed my fish by accident. Apparently, rat poison kills fish, too. I ate a donut for dinner & then cried to House reruns. Life is good.

 

September 19^th                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       I have been crying all day. My boyfriend dumped me, so I dumped him. Off a cliff. It was okay though, he had already died. Car accident, he ran into my moving car. I almost cried right there, but I found a penny, so everything was okay.

 

September 21^st                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       I accidently shot my boss. I was carrying a staple gun & thought it would be fun to reenact Final Destination 3 & saw my boss in the warehouse. Other than that, my day was pretty normal.

 

September 22^nd                                 2009

Dear Diary,

       I got fired.

 

September 23^rd                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       My hamster got caught in the heating ducts & died. I bought another one and left him in the shower while I cleaned the cage. I guess hamsters fit down the shower drain. RIP Lenny and Mukanafasojelami.

 

September 25^th                                2009

Dear Diary,

       There’s been a major drought in the city. Cops informed my building to shorten showers, conserve water & try not to use excessive amounts. Droughts kinda scare me, so I bought all the water bottles at the market and used them to shower. It was a little expensive but that’s okay because I’, saving water by buying large amounts from every store in the city. The people are all worried now & the news says we’re all going to die. I kinda got angry & scared though because while I was buying the water, I saw that they were out of my favorite cookies.

 

September26^th                                  2009

Dear Diary,

       There’s more cookies, life is good.

 

September27^th                                  2089

Dear Diary,

       They let me out of jail today. Apparently it isn’t legal to kill your boss. Good thing they don’t know about John.

 

September 28th                                

2089

Dear Diary,

       They found out about John.

Author's Note

This was my friends' and I thought it was funny.