She will never come back.

Daniel Barenboim & West-Eastern Divan - Beethoven's 7th Symphony, Movement II. To Nadine Gordimer. In memoriam.

As you know this is actually true. She will never come here anymore. Double negative. There is nothing that bothers me more than that but I have to accept this fact. Life is not always as we planned, we got to go through it taking responsibilities and decisions, working very hard for all the matters that we should accomplish.

But what is that for? Why do we lose our life trying to get others back, fighting to gain a little piece of it in this confusing jungle of thoughts? Maybe you will never come back but you are now here with me and you will be inside forever. You have taught me so much; your mark is deeply instilled in my head, heart and hands. I learned from you that life is an approach for nothing and however we must live reaching it.

I got a lot from you letting you go. You’ve gave us an undescriptible universe of words to be discovered every time we are in front of it. Treasures. Tons of stories to take, life to see, prisons to break. Actions that cannot be ignored by the repetitively ongoing of living.

I know you will never be here again. I’m trying to let you go because you deserve to rest, you need it so, and it’s hard to say sorry in such farewell.

Anyhow I want to have you here with me, teaching me more. Showing me the path to be taken but carefully leaving me making my choices by myself, and again I say sorry. I’m sorry for nothing, perhaps for being a fool.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have lunch with you yesterday. I needed to rest.”

 

Don’t be sorry. You did so much and I am doing nothing.

 

She will never come back, but she won’t let me go away. She will stay in here forever while I will be letting her free. She needs to rest and she deserves it. Her hands will take the universe from here to shine in me. I don’t know how to say thank you, I think I just need to say sorry and let you go far away from me, but in me forever, until I get like you my own rest.