Neon Vagaries

I lie awake, breathing in sultry air
a teapot’s breath we’ll gladly share

My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling
whilst our hands tied to a knot, trembling

My lips are sore, caving in for delight
 as your eyes exclaimed to white

I lie awake, breathing in sultry air
My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling
 lips are sore, caving in for your stare

 As your eyes exclaimed to see me breaking*

Author's Note

Oh I kinda forgot to note on how this poem works. The italicized lines are clues to the juxtaposition of events. I hope that'll be figured out. :)

Reviews

[Revery]

Very sexy and sultry, but it may be speaking of too much overwhelming intensity eluded to in "see me breaking", or could be a surrender to bliss.

It may be my screen but I can't tell which words are italicized.

I love your style and want to read more of your work.

Revery

PS your dark dark eyes are absolutely captivating.

[Kenaz]

I read over this so fast the first time that I had no idea what it meant. Then I went back and realized how fantastically sensual it was. Nice work.

[Amelie]

I often get that from the readers in this poem, especially when the italicized parts aren't italicized. first wrote this 5 years ago. I'd say this piece is dependent to its form. And oh, thank you!

[GunMetal]

At first this reads like a collaboration of thoughts between two lovers. But when I read only the italicized lines, they have a feeling of solitude, perhaps while lying next to your lover after a passionate exchange. The normal lines have a feeling of togetherness, and carnal. The last line seems to bring it all together, like it is meant to be the last line for both parts. I like how Revery said that it "could be a surrender to bliss" which is what I was thinking. All of this makes for a fantastic poem.

[Wondering Mind]

An enjoyable, sesnual evolution of events. I like the structure and form very much.

[Jordan A. Wilson]

i like the set up of this write

[Sujash I. Purna]

A nice write.

[Ramya]

Fantastic writing. "My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling" - absolutely amazing! Visual imagery is great....lovely poem!

[MoriartyMesa]

This is very visual and i aint sure i'm old enough to be reading it, but it was very nice and free flowing.

[eglantine]

I like "teapot's breath" both visual and textile. I'd change the tense of "caving" to 'caved' and "exclaimed" to 'exclaim' and then take out the following "a". Just suggestions. Also, no need for the repeated last stanza... as for the last line, I'd take that out too. I really like it ending on that great image of 'eyes exclaim to white'. Dangit--I really like it--wish I had written it lol

[Remember Courage]

Wow I really loved this it was super detailed. It wasn't like you slapped in our face what happened, but described it by first person actions. I really liked that. Congratz on a fabulous poem. The ending was a phenomenon.
-Courage