Persephone

If I had been there,

I would have slapped the seeds

out of her palm --- to scatter

as bright as marbles on the floor,

stomped on them for a good score

just to be sure.

 

 

It was her fault she strayed too far

to pluck a bunch of measley flowers

so she could what?--- fashion a wreath

for her head or neck,

to cast into the river once the sun had set.

 

 

The fool swallowed a handful of seeds

and I'm to grieve? as all warmth recedes;

outside rendered desolate.

I'd soon as cry

for the fly

caught on the spiderweb.

Reviews

[Eponine Roy]

This quite reflects the frustration that a lot of people feel when someone does something, ignorantly, that puts them into a horrible spot. For lack of a better example at the moment, like a horridly played game of chess. The way the lines were split also added the effect of wishing to hit away the seeds and the frustration felt by the speaker.

[J]

Nice use of end-rhyme scattered throughout. This piece is enigmatic, yet defined--and as others have noted, these pomegranate seeds, symbolic of fruitfulness, seemsto be a joke to your mind. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it seems you're resolved to the seasons changing, and that there's no point crying over 'spilt milk', to borrow an overused cliche. I also pick up on vanity--how you criticize it, and how it's her own fault she got taken by Hades.

"Measly" doesn't fit to me, as it seems too strong for this piece... perhaps "sorry" instead? Just a thought.

[Sarah Williams]

It's an interesting idea...turning Persephone from victim to agressor. It's almost like the "original sin" of Eve, in the biblical story, who is to say that she was simply a victim... At any rate, this piece was certainly thought provoking. I especially enjoyed the way that you incorporated such a strong narrative voice in this piece, it really does wonders for the conflict in the poem and makes the read all the more filled with passion and feeling. Nice work!

[Daisy Buchanan]

I love this but how sad to blame winter on Persephone! It wasn't her fault Hades found her so irresistable! Or that he gave Persephone a pomegranate (or the seeds of a pomegranate, according to some sources). Which bound her to underworld forever and she had to stay there one-third of the year. The other months she stayed with her mother. When Persephone was in Hades, Demeter refused to let anything grow and winter began. This myth is a symbol of the budding and dying of nature but damnit Persephone was just an innocent bystander! ;-)

Lovely....