PRESSURE

others do better, i do worse, then i dont do anything and i regret

expectation encourages pressure but when theres no expectation then i dont feel relieved

then it means i have to work harder

i enjoy it, i leave it, i forget it ,i cram it

then, i wish i didnt have to see the afteraffects

the disappointment, mind you-thats from me too

life can be exhilerating, but when i feel pressure

i run away

i leave anything that scares me as a coward i dont face my troubles until it sitting right infront of me 

but even then i ignore it i run away

i choose the safe option i stay where i feel comfortable

where i can be lazy and where i dont need to work and where i dont have any room to grow 

as a person

but im scared

so scared that ill stay in the same spot i am in right in a few years or ill suffer because of my laziness now

and by then itd be too late

when under pressure i do anything i can to escape it

i dont fight back im not used to it

i want to grow, become a stronger more successful person but i knows whose holding me back

i know its me

i know my mindsets toxic to myself

if i see anyone doing better

i compare and compare

i cant stand it

and it takes everything i have to make myself better and better

cos i dont know if my ability shapes my identity in anothers eyes 

and if it does i should be better

but i know im not and i care too much

and thats why i crumple when im under pressure

because im so scared of falling behind, of being lesser