Ambiguity

Gloria has had a crush on her ninth grade science teacher since, basically, the first day of high school. During her time in high school, she and her teacher, grow very close. What happens then?

PART I

 

First  day of high school, I fell for him, but it was because of his good looks. Honestly, I

thought he was a high school student. That is, until fourth period came around the

same day, and to my surprise, he was my physical science teacher. After the course

(and ultimately the first semester) ended in the middle of January, I was so sad

because I wouldn't be able to see my little teddy bear anymore. I mean, yes, I would

get to see him whenever, but not on a daily basis, like it is when he's my teacher.

For the rest of the school year, my crush on him remained, and it even got stronger.

I realize I'm being delusional calling it love, but I think a way to more accurately

describe it is as a major infatuation, or an unhealthy obsession, because, truly, I

have not yet known of what true love feels like. I know that he must love me and

I must love he for it to be true love. So, all through high school, my feelings for

him remained, getting stronger. I even got to be his Teacher's Assistant/Aid (TA).

Graduation day, 2017, I plan on spilling out everything I'd kept bottled inside about

him.

 

One of the things that made me feel uneasy at times is our age gap--exactly 13 years,

a month, and seven days. He was a little bit younger than my mom, and a little bit

older than my mom's boyfriend. But, I won't start on the topic of my mom's

boyfriend, lest it rain on my parade of jumbled feelings because of the rising

proximity of the moment of telling Steven.

 

That's him. That's Steven, the subject of all this.

 

I'd told him to meet me in the courtyard.

 

   "GLORIA LOPEZ," said the principal. Time to get my long-awaited high school

diploma. I was also getting my Associate's degree proximately, soon.

 

I walked over to obtain my diploma, and smiled at the important people in my life,

like my mom and my siblings... and Steven. And then I sat down.

 

* * *

 

The time to tell Steven was getting closer in proximity. Damn, I'm so nervous. Right

now, I'm waiting in the school courtyard for him. Soon he'd get here.

 

PART II

 

Shnikies... the moment has come. He's walking over to me. With a million-dollar smile

on his face, he greets me, and says, "So, what is it you wanted to tell me? You said it

was really important."

 

   "Well, yes. It is really important." I said. I felt like I was sweating buckets, in

in addition to feeling like my heart was beating my maximum heart rate--on nitrous.

"OK, you know how close we are, right?"

 

He chuckled, before saying, "Yup,"

 

   "So, what I'm going to tell you is extremely personal. And it's involving me. And

you."

 

   "Come on, tell me. How bad could it be?"

 

   "Thing is, seeing all the time I've been given, I lack the courage to tell you."

 

   "Oh. It's that kind of extremely personal."

 

   "Yup,"

 

   "Just tell me. I promise I won't laugh. I'm guessing it's a really big secret,"

 

I started playing with my hands, I was so nervous.

 

   "Gloria, we're really close friends. I swear you can trust me with anything. I mean,

you basically already told me how your life was growing up; and all the secrets that

you, as a girl, can tell to me, as a guy. Cos I know that there's secrets that only your

girlfriends are supposed to hear."

 

I giggled.

 

   "I knew that would make you laugh," he smiled again.

 

There were moments of silence while we contemplated what to say next.

 

   "Come on. Have I given you the courage to tell me the extremely personal,

important thing you're dying to tell me?"

 

   "Dying?"

 

   "I'm guessing here,"

 

   "You know, my sister offered to come with me to tell you, as backup."

 

   "Really?"

 

   "Yeah. But, I decided, no, this is something that I need to tell you myself." I felt like I was stalling here. "OK, well, here goes nothing," I inhaled a deep breath and exhaled

out. Steven patted my back.

 

   "There, there, you're good here. To make it, somewhat easier, who's the first person

you told and how many people have you told?"

 

   "Ah, well, the first person I told, was of course, my mom; but only because she

presented the question on the 18th of September, 2013, of if I had a... crush on

anyone."

 

   "Let me guess..."

 

   "Fine, I didn't realize that that would basically spill what I have wanted to tell you

all this time. Yes, I have a crush on you."

 

The look on his face was one of both bewilderment and attempting to swallow a truth.

 

   "Well, that's completely normal. I didn't realize that becoming a high school science

teacher would bring with it the consequences of becoming a student's love interest."

 

   "It... it isn't bad, is it? I mean, that I didn't tell you before?"

 

   "No, it's not bad. I can't imagine how much courage you must have had to muster,

but... you know, I wouldn't know because I'm not you. I can't go inside your mind to

see what you've been thinking about me all this time, although I wish I could." he let

out a chuckle. "If I could go inside your mind, and see all that you've been thinking

about me, I think that if I had low self-esteem, seeing your thoughts would bump my

self-esteem way up, probably more than it is now,"

 

   "Is it normal right now, though?"

 

   "What? My self-esteem?"

 

I nodded yes. "Oh, absolutely,"

 

   "I'm just... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was afraid of how you'd react. No,

actually, it was the fear of not knowing how you'd react that made me wait until today.

Besides all the other factors that made me wait until today to tell you."

 

   "Well, what counts is that now you told me and that it's off your chest,"

 

   "Yup. You don't know how glad I am that I told you. It would've been hell having to

go to college without telling you first,"

 

   "Oh, really. Well, no, it's like hiding something from your parents. That something

stays on your plate forever. Except this isn't as bad, is it?"

 

I smiled, shaking my head no. I was very happy with his reaction, actually. Not how

I'd expect him to react, but, oh, well. He's handling this better than expected.

 

But that's just him. He keeps me in awe all the time. But not the fearing him kind of

awe. The good kind of awe. The kind of awe that is defined as the feeling of

reverential respect mixed with wonder.

 

   "Do you want to go out and get some pie at Shari's?"

 

   "Yeah, of course... Do you want me to bring some money?"

 

   "No way, it's on me,"

 

   "Can I at least leave the tip?"

 

   "Yeah, sure," he readily agreed.

 

PART III

 

   "So, Gloria, what is this crush? Is it just a crush? I'm just asking, coming back to

the fact that you said that this was extremely personal." Steven asked while we were

waiting for our pie.

 

   "Oh, Steve, it's more than a crush..."

 

   "What is it?"

 

   "I can't call it love, as in romantic love, since I myself haven't been in a relationship

with the opposite sex. But, let me tell you, it's more than a crush, and I have really

strong feelings for you."

 

   "Do you,"

 

   "Yup,"

 

   "Do you think you could call it unrequited love?"

 

   "I don't know if I could call it unrequited, but I could certainly call it Aristotelian,

Freudian, and Lacanian love."

 

   "And what do those mean?"

 

Just then, our apple pie arrived.

   "Enjoy," the waitress said.

   "Thank you," Steve and I said simultaneously.

 

   "Aristotelian means that you complete me. Freudian means that you're the man of

dreams, and Lacanian means that I want you to want me,"

   "Damn."

   "Ron Simmons, really?"

 

He let out a light-hearted chuckle. "Well, overall, I'm just trying to process what

you've told me in the past few minutes," he said, taking a bite of the pie. "Mm, it's so

good,"

 

I laughed.

 

   "You never told me how many people you told," he said.

 

   "Well, first, my mom," I said.

 

   "That's one,"

 

   "My sister,"

 

   "That's two,"

 

   "My mom's boyfriend,"

 

   "That's three,"

 

   "My brother,"

 

   "That's four,"

 

   "My friend Emily,"

 

   "Five,"

 

   "My friend Alyssa,"

 

   "Six,"

 

   "And, one time, as you were walking out of the office, out to where the Chiefs' arrow

is, I said to my other friend Alyssa, 'my science teacher,' and she said, 'Damn!'"

 

Upon hearing this, Steven almost choked on his pie, laughing.

 

   "Wow,"

 

   "And that's not even the end of it, she also said that teachers shouldn't be allowed

to be that fine," I said, making quotation marks with my fingers when saying the

word fine.

 

   "You know, that technically counts as seven... Wow. I can't believe you told SEVEN

PEOPLE before telling me,"

 

   "And that was all before even half the school year was over,"

 

   "Damn!"

 

   "Yes,"

 

I took a bite out of the pie. "You know, once my friend Alyssa, the one who thought

you were fine; her and I were talking about you, and I joked that you were so

distracting,"

 

His eyes became as wide as saucers. "Oh my god, was I?"

 

   "No, no, of course not. Like I said, I was only joking around,"

 

   "OK, good,"

 

   "Don't you think there's a reason I did so well in your class?"

 

   "Um..."

 

   "I wanted to impress you... From the academic angle,"

 

   "Well, that you did,"

 

There was some more silence between us. We took a few more bites of the pie. Dang,

we were almost finished with it.

 

   "So, is it true that because of me, you want to earn a Doctorate in physics?"

 

   "Oh, yes it is,"

 

   "Wow,"

 

   "See, what you wrote in my yearbook my freshman year is true. You inspired my

mind, as a young, aspiring scientist,"

 

   "Physicist,"

 

   "Yeah, that,"

 

   "And what made you fall for me?"

 

   "Admittedly," I let out a chuckle, "your looks,"

 

He let out a chuckle as well.

 

   "I thought you were a high school student when I first saw you, in your vest, and

fancy suit,"

 

   "Really,"

 

   "Yup, and then fourth period came around, and look!, I just broke down the fourth

wall. I was like, I have a crush on a teacher, d****t!" I clenched my fist. Of course,

when I was saying the last sentence, I did it in comic purpose.

 

He almost choked laughing. "If I go to the hospital for choking, you're gonna pay for

that hospital bill,"

 

   "Well, right now, I'm just glad that you're taking my little revelation well,"

 

   "I'm just trying to imagine being in your shoes telling me this, it makes it easier,"

 

   "Ah,"

 

Our second pie came, except this time it was pecan. We asked the waitress to take a

picture of us.

 

So, Steve and I both stared into the camera and smiled. The little light at an end of

the camera went off, indicating the picture was being taken. Good, this would work

for two copies.

 

   "Thanks," Steve and I said simultaneously to the waitress.

 

   "Yeah, no worries, you guys look cute," she said as she walked away to the next

table.

 

Steve and I just looked at one another and smiled, knowing what we were both

thinking.

 

God, I loved him.

 

   "We should probably get back..." I suggested.

 

   "Why? This is so much more fun,"

 

   "True, true, but I just don't want to worry people who drove all the way to the high

school to see me and I'm not there right now,"

 

   "Well, when you put it like that, it sounds urgent,"

 

   "It is,"

 

I left a tip, and we took the pecan pie with us, while he paid the bill.

 

So, we got in his car (and of course he had to be the gentleman and open the doors

for me), and we were off to his workplace.

 

* * *

 

I told Steve how almost every girl freshman year thought he was hot. Of course, he

just laughed it off. He said he was happy because I had been brave and courageous

to tell him something, and that must have been hard to do, that he truly admires me

for that.

 

When we got out of the car, there was everyone, including my family... perfect. The

last thing I needed was everyone seeing me arriving with Steve. It wasn't that I was

embarrassed, it was just really awkward. Everybody staring at me. But I tried, as hard

as I could, to pretend like no one was there and to just play it cool.

 

Steven came by my side, and whispered, "Look, so many girls are in awe,"

 

   "I know, but, just play it cool, OK?"

 

   "Potassium oxide,"

 

I only walked to my family. Introductions, here we come. "Steve, this is Marina, my

sister. Marina, this is Steve, my ninth grade science teacher and one of my best

friends," they acknowledged each other. Steve was surprised when he was offered

a fist to bump.

 

   "Ma, this is Steven. Steven, this is my mom." my mom smiled at him. Or me. I can't

tell.

 

   "So, this is the famous Steven?" my mom asked me.

 

   "Sí, soy el famoso Steven. (Yes, I am the famous Steven.)" said Steven in Spanish.

Yes, I'd been teaching him a little Spanish here and there.

 

   "¿Sabes hablar español? (You know how to speak Spanish?)" my mom asked

Steve.

 

   "Sí, pero sólo un poquito. Su hija maravillosa ha estado enseñando poco a poco.

(Yes, but only a little bit. Your wonderful daughter has been teaching me little by

little.)"

 

   "¿Con qué maravillosa? (Wonderful, huh?)"

 

   "Es un sinónimo de ella, así que, ¿por qué no? (It's a synonym of her, so, why

not?)" this was followed by moments of weird silence. "¿Puedo ver a su hija Alice?"

 

   "Of course, why not?"

 

   "Oh, you know English, too?"

 

   "Yeah, my kids have been teaching me,"

 

   "Well, then, I guess Gloria is multi-purpose!"

 

I cleared my throat. "Steven, this is Alice, and Alice, this is Steven."

 

   "Nice to meet you, Alice."

 

   "You too,"

 

Steven let out a little laugh.

 

One last introduction. Here we go. "And finally, Steven, here's my brother, Gabby,

and my mom's boyfriend, Frankie."

 

   "Wow, you call your mom's boyfriend by his first name? Isn't that a bit awkward?"

 

   "Yes and kinda,"

 

 

 Steven once again laughed. "Hi, Gabby and Frank,"

 

   "Hey, Steven, do you like video games?" Gabby asked Steven.

 

   "Very much, yes. What kind do you play?"

 

   "GTA--" Gabby started.

 

   "Oh, no, I don't do Grand Theft Auto. Too... well, you get the point."

 

   "Well, once I heard Gloria say you're a snowboarder," Frankie chimed in.

 

   "That's true. I heard her say you're one as well," replied Steven.

 

   "Yup,"

 

   "So, how are you taking meeting us?" asked Marina.

 

   "You guys... you guys are great," Steven managed to get out. He whispered to me,

"I almost couldn't get that sentence out. Damn pie,"

 

I quietly laughed.

 

   "I heard you like rock and wrestling," Steven said to Marina.

 

   "Yeah," she replied.

 

Marina and Steven became engrossed in a conversation about the art of wrestling

for a while.

 

   "Mírala, ya me lo quito, (Look at her, she already took him away from me,)" I said

to my mom. She laughed.

 

   "Él esta guapo, (He's cute/handsome)" my mom said.

 

   "¡Ma! (Mom!)" I scolded her.

 

   "What? It's true,"

 

   "I guess you're right,"

 

She laughed at this.

 

When Steven and Marina were done talking, he was again taken away from me by

Frankie, and they became engrossed in a conversation about the very art of

flight--snowboarding, as well as a theory or opinion on everything, and about the

YouTube channel Vsauce.

 

I was glad Steven wasn't discussing education level with my mom and Frankie. But,

what happened with Gabby was kind of embarrassing. I met up with Alyssa, the one

who had thought Steven was fine all that time ago.

 

   "Hey, Alyssa,"

   "Damn, girl! You should've seen every girl when you arrived with him,"

 

I beamed. "He took me out to get pie,"

 

   "I am so jealous! And I'm sure the girls whose jaws dropped to the floor when they

saw you with him were jealous, too!"

 

Just then, my other friend Alyssa came, and,--oh shnikies!--with her stepmom

Robin and her dad Chris.

 

   "Gloria, you know I don't like him. What are you doing with him?" she bursted out.

 

   "First of all, you don't like him. I do. Second of all, what's it to ya?" I retorted.

 

She gasped. I knew she was about to slap me, but when the palm of her hand was

midway to impacting my cheek, her dad Chris said, "Alyssa. Don't. It's her life, you

can't control it."

 

Ooh! She got served!, I thought.

 

   "Ugh, but I wish I could!" Alyssa said.

 

   "Get over it," her dad said. I liked her dad. Straight-up, and upfront. Serving the

truth, no matter if it was the cold truth.

 

   "I will talk with you later!" Alyssa said.

 

  "Yup, see ya," I smiled, waving.

 

Both Alyssas had left at this point.

 

Marissa Garibay, a girl who I used to have Steven's class with in ninth grade,

came up to me.

 

   "Gloria, I gotta give you props! You actually got Mr. Hot Teacher?" said Garibay,

basically gushing.

 

   "I told him I liked him, and he took me out for pie to discuss it,"

 

She gasped. "I am so jealous! How did you do it?"

 

   "Well, over the years, I've been talking to him via email; I was his TA; and, with that,

we became really close friends. When I told him, he was both like" I gasped, my

eyes wide as saucers (to show how he reacted) "and" I nodded my head up and

down, a serious, accepting look on my face.

 

   "Wow. I would've killed to be there,"

 

   "It was only me and him, in the courtyard,"

 

   "Oh. Well, congrats. See ya!"

 

   "See ya,"

 

I walked back to my family and Steven.

 

   "Well, your mom's boyfriend is moderately interesting, but I can't help feeling like

I smell some cannabis on him," Steven said, staying close to me.

 

I facepalmed. "D****t... yes, he does it. But not at home, with friends,"

 

   "Oh, OK. I just hope he doesn't do it around me, because I can't stand drugs. I

mean, I know you wouldn't do that, you're straight-edge!"

 

   "For life!"

 

   "That's your motto,"

 

   "Yup,"

 

Frankie looked over to us.

 

   "Just smile and nod, OK?" I said to Steven.

 

   "Yup. It seems to be working. How old is he, anyway?"

 

   "27,"

 

   "Wow, he looks older than that. I mean, I'm 31, and I look what..."

 

   "You look about 24, 26, somewhere there..."

 

   "That's the delta,"

 

We laughed. The Greek letter delta (") means different, difference, or change in

scientific context.

 

Author's Note: PART IV will be posted soon :).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

What do you think of the dialogue? Of the plot? Any areas where you think I should improve? Do tell. Reviews are much appreciated, by the way :).