Always remember, Slowly Forget

I don't remember,

What it felt like to be in your arms

What i saw in your sun kissed eyes after you softly kissed me

What I imagined as your palms embraced my bare chest

I do remember,

What it felt like to be scared every time I stepped into your car

What I saw in your disappointed expression because I was never good enough

What I imagined as you let go of my hand and refused to look back

I will always remember.

What it felt like to hear you yell and tie me up and throw me into my endless pool of emotions 

What I saw in your crooked smile and masculine laugh on our good days

What I imagined for our future and the memories of the past 6 years

But I will also never forget,

The emotional torture you put me through day after day as if it was your sole purpose in life

The physical torture I endured on myself because of the flashbacks and the desperation to get away but the urge to stay

The 6 years we spent together as you took away my youth, and the best years of myself knowing I cried myself to sleep  every night, knowing I overdosed in inhumanly things just to be close to you, and the endless wish that things could be different.