Imagine that...

Imagine that...

I don't understand were all the anger comes from

or why I'm always so negative and dark

I don't blame my dad or my mom

I don't get it- no one scarred me or left a mark...

I never fit in with the cool fools

Until they saw how I could fight

They knew I didn't care about their rules

So they took me out for the night

To try and win me over

But they must of been wasted

Luckily my dad told me to stay sober

Yet, I became what they hated

But that was okay

I would rather read a book, than-

spend another moment

with them again

But after that, I was fine

life continued on

after some time

 suddenly my life looked good from where I sat
yet out of the blue something went "splat!"  

Can you imagine that?

  

Reviews

[Ashira Macy]

I love how honest this is. You know, it takes years for us to truly understand ourselves. You could have what some ignorant people might call a perfect life and still be miserable. Angst and anxiety come along with being human. So you have feelings that seemingly come out of no where. Keep writing and maybe your words will lead you to the answers one day. Brilliant poem my friend.

[micky]

Thank you Ashira :P

[Lauriegirl]

This is such an important and honest write. great job

[micky]

Thank you Laurie :)

[Christopher Robin]

This was a good write Micky! I agree with April to some extent. Everything started off so marvelously and then seemed to fade away toward the second third of the piece, with no punch at the end to tie us back in. I know the last few lines were intended to be that punchy comeback but there's no explanation and no forethought/afterthought to supplement it, as a result it feels slightly out of place and (for me) dampened a poem that was right on track with rhymes, verse and cadence. There's always a strong argument for 'let art be as it is' yet I feel with a small amount of revision this could become something brilliant!
Nicely penned.

-Robin

[micky]

Well thank you Robin if you have any suggestions for me to better the piece I would appreciate it alot otherwise I am glad you sort of liked it:)

[AprilRN1210]

I see the heart-wrenching meaning in this one, think it just got a little "scattered" in the flow towards the middle and never really found "its footing" after that.. I can feel the longing to fit in, the disheartening effects after realizing being with the "cool crowd" wasn't all it was cracked up to be and then the harsh "slap" of reality at the end.. think with a little rewording and tightening up of lines, it would be more powerful and flow better... :)

[micky]

Thank you April for the critics I really appreciate them ;)

[AprilRN1210]

I am always happy to help.. this one has potential--the emotion is there, it is palpable, think with a little editing it will deliver the punch you want... if need suggestions, advice, or want me to look at again just let me know.. :)

[MomzillaNC]

Very good poem, very representative of the confusion of teen angst.

I'm sure you meant: "I would rather read a book [than]"

[micky]

I think you are right about the than. Thank you for your helpful review

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. I glad I could help.

[Rene Salinas]

(Shakes Head) It is a thing to behold the moments were for one reason or another we depend upon what others think of us. We judge our emotional stability in terms of popularity in terms that are so empty. Yet they are there. Even the bit about fighting Micky, would have been something if the reaction would have been of caring? Instead, "Mate, you can fight" " Now you fit in" I won't even go into the cultural implications of things it is irreleavnt withing the context of the feeling you captured. How much is the value of all that when life finally goes splat?

What a feeling


Thankyou

[micky]

Thank you Rene but I forgot to mention that it was after homeschooling that it all fell down anyway I appreciate the comment :)