The stories of the dead

Same old road 

Same old turns

With nowhere to really go

As his tears flowed

Just a few extra burns

Suddenly time starts to slow

All the times he lost his way

All his memories no-one will ever see

All his stories unread

All the things he never got to say

But he knew one day he would be free

Now she mourns Because he is dead

Same old road

Same old turns

With nowhere to really go

 Now she can't handle her heavy load

She had too many concerns

Suddenly she became so low

All the mistakes she made

All the things she never learned

All the things she left unsaid

But she knew the road they paved

Her parents became concerned

But is was too late she was dead...

Reviews

[Gregory Stires]

this poem is really good Micky. I like how it tell about how we never know the actual story of people who have passed away like how did they die, was the person happy, what were their last thoughts. I also like the form because It is organized into parts and not jumbled all together and love how you make it an ABCABC couplet letting the reader get both sides of what the two people thought and felt.

[micky]

Thank you Gregory for the awesome review :p I really appreciate your review:}

[TokiLoki]

I had no idea you had this talent. You have captured me shown me a completely different side of you and i will definitely get to reading some of you other work. This is really good stuff!

[micky]

I am sp thrilled that you have read this piece and enjoyed it

[Ashira Macy]

The structure in this is so wonderful Micky, you really outdid yourself. We often realize far too late that our loved ones are hurting more than they let on. So sad. You did a great way of illustrating this.

[micky]

Thank you so much Ashira I am glad that you enjoyed my piece :p

[HungryGhost]

Strong and heartfelt. Brilliant job :)

[micky]

Thank you ;]

[Christopher Robin]

Stepping it up a notch Micky!

This is brilliantly done, barely anyone rhymes with ABCABC couplets, it's harder to do than it looks and you've executed it amazingly well!

I have to point out a tiny mistake, the final line should be 'too' not 'to'.

Outside of this tiny mistake this is probably the best piece of yours I have read, great cadence, great rhythm, excellent rhymes, wondrous form. An all around incredible job Micky, hats off!

-Robin

[micky]

Wow! Thank you Robin I think with time we all grow stronger with our writing. Thank you :p

[Lauriegirl]

This is wonderful, and I can tell you put your heart into this

[micky]

Thank you Laurie ;)

[Malister Mikey]

I really enjoyed this one a poem of loss

[micky]

Thank you:P

[Malister Mikey]

You're very welcome.

[AprilRN1210]

I really enjoyed the message and the emotion in this piece Micky... a little editing to tighten up the lines and the flow would make it a VERY strong piece...

*mourns* in end of second stanza..
*too* many concerns in next to last stanza..
*too* late in last stanza....

[micky]

Thank you April I was feeling a little dark this evening :p

[AprilRN1210]

I can understand that, hits us all at one point or another... :)
It is always a pleasure..

[Rene Salinas]

Oh brother the ten ton hammer descended and I just felt the weight of it knocking at the back of my head. Some say that to look on the negatives is easier but not judging by this writing. It is a narrative that unfolds bit by bit. It is quite rhtymical and rhyme friendly. Which in a way in my subjective view takes away from the weight of the content as lost love, lack of, lack of awarness lack of interes are all issues that in life we can work upon and although death had come as a reminder that there is a limited time and nothing can be taken fro granted.

It is never too late to start

Thankyou

[micky]

Thank you Rene :p

[Rene Salinas]

Not that I can talk Micky but one day you will have to visit the light. I am just saying as I rarely get too light but you know is easier to preach than to do....

[micky]

I appreciate all that my fellow writers have to say Rene. We can all learn from others :p