Before

Before

 

Yes, I opened the door

into this white room

I saw you, but couldn't look at your face.

Your eyes lit up with

pure joy

and I knew in that moment

You loved me

And I ran out of the room because

the word love scares me

And that word was written

across your forehead

 

I ran back into the arms of

the ghosts,

the two,

one named first, the other

one and only

because with them

I was comfortable.  I was safe.

Maybe I

thought you'd see them

and understand.

Something so hard to ask of you.

I know.

 

Yes, I'm full of s**t

so much my mouth leaks it

every single day,

but I am also full of blood,

which makes me human.

And water,

and muscles, the strongest of which is

my heart.  The ghosts

outside your white walls

Rip it apart every single day.

But a muscle becomes stronger

every time it hurts.

 

So maybe one day

maybe

maybe I can break down these walls

these blue walls and purple chains

and hold you once more

before you leave.

Maybe I can shake hands

with the ghosts.  And they'll leave me

be.

Maybe I, too, can open my arms

So you can hold onto me

until your light

and my spark

burn out.