Moving On..

I've got complex problems. Literally. In terms of complexity theory.
Analyzing things from without - things outside you, is comparatively easy
To processing and making clear -
An order within disorder
In your human mind

I find some strands - forms which make sense
Which I mentally keep track of:
Processes; rules for how they act:

Self states: were made of many disparate selves;
Our perceptions, our interactions -
Stay in place: where meaning is,
So too, there we are.
Whether good or bad, all of it
Is YOU

Dissociation: The mind works by one basic principle:
The same principle which governs all of biology:
The will to survive.

All organisms function within a context
where each organism seeks to take from without
So that it can survive.

Human beings Have Selves; many of them
And the one that enters consciousness at ant one time
Is dependent on a developmentally meaningful
Situational Context: Environment and Mind link up to produce meaning.

Dissociation keeps those 'bad' parts, shame experiences with devastatingly raw meanings
Away from you. Our unconscious minds - structures emerging from biological forces. The same principle applies through out.

Our minds engage these dissociations by a process called
Enactment.
Acting out past relational patterns unconsciously is enactment.
When a mother hits her child, she enacts her own past patterns;
traumatically dissociated from her conscious awareness.

Parents pattern minds into unconscious relational behaviors
Assumptions about reality take hold; and the mind remains severed
From another way.

Dissociation collapses imagination; rigidies openness to different ideas.
And seeks coherency by making "Everything ok"
When much of the selfs history - its reason for being, For your own BEING
Ignored and unexplored.

Even though a new way of being can be created.
At every new moment, a new path can be edged;
past relational patterns, collapsed'
a brand new vantage point experienced.

Relational objects - fear of vulnerability, of feeling, is clarified.
You feel, and all of a sudden, you feel alive
Your body vibrates with a life force;
Where before there was a coldness
Now there exists flux; change,
Beautiful unconscious movements of Universal energy

Which Cannot be controlled.

The world is more subject than object
Being embodied precedes
Thinking about things, ad nauseum

Thinking, so normal, but it can extract you - keep you out of your body
When devastating experiences; situations and feelings, together, prevent the release
Of the traumatic shock; the annihilating shame. Corroding the self and leaving a hallow
frail, incoherent, gasping awareness. Crestfallen, disbelieving in the possibility of repair.

I've been there; there in the annihilating shame. Erasure of my name - of identity; because feeling good, or at least not feeling traumatic, self annihilating persecution, is the predicate of a functional self. A voice. The conveyor of emotion; the face, the eyes, auxiliaries. We overlook, and take for granted, the psychic communication - of our deepest presumption: that the self is necessary. Yet you can lose it; and feel, and see very clearly, what its absence is like. Painful just doesn't quite do it. Nothing in any language can convey the tragic isolation of a mind without a self.

Socializing becomes a context for trauma; the self sees all others
As objects of threat. Things intrinsically related with as deadly and dangerous.

The implicit facts of our experience - the assumptions made in relating with other minds: takes us into different modes of being; as subject, experiencing myself as experiencer, directly interacting with my environment as subject - as thou - as another you. Happiness - if you have the lens of mind to notice, is structurally binary. We discover it in the interpersonal context of "I and thou". With other people - happiness emerges. Phenomenologically, for every being alive who experiences happiness, you needed an other: you couldn't have had it without it.

But if your objectified by others; from early on, related to as an object of use;
Your own subjective reality frail from disuse; the mothers eyes never really cared
To know the mind of its baby.

And so the quiet, saddened, relational traumatized infant grows up to be a weirdo. A person who look weird; acts weird; talks with stress; quiet, lack of coherency. Tensed body; face invariably towards the ground.

And we, narcissistically not noticing, how time has changed
Our humanity.
With the broken infant; we open our eyes and our hearts because it's body
Seems so vulnerable

But with the growth of the body and maturing of the man; our own vulnerability is exposed:
 to see in others what cannot personally be felt within the self

Our behavior towards these ill ones extends from our own behavior with ourselves;
In denying that it was YOU who once experienced shame and knew what it was like.
Too hard to even think of when someone else suggests it; its impalatability impels deep instincts, strong feelings, conveying the mind towards the natural conclusion: ignore, pretend, and enact in your behavior those things very things ignored and excluded from a conscientious analysis.

We also like to ignore how these personal dynamics govern our institutional behaviors. The tumult of the modern world; the commodification of man. The assembly line system with strict time restraints and prodigious demands. People now look at each other for "what can you do for me" - meanwhile, the fact of our common reality, that an ignorant self is a self that enacts past patterns - is deemed unimportant; as if life, for all of us, our happiness and what that means, couldn't be succored by this knowledge.

Just think of the abuse. We go into Iraq, traumatize the whole population, and then leave: ignoring the most virulent fact of all: these people will ENACT the past patterns. Amazing how this is overlooked when it in fact is the core detail: these people are traumatized. They will now live the rest of their lives unconsciously counteracting the fear and shame of the trauma.

The practices of the modern world. The way we push one another; stress one another; forcing one another to adopt inherently abusive ways of being; enacting behaviors based upon a dissociated jealousy; shame, seemingly always at the root.

How else can we overcome this situation other than by believing that just as I changed - so can you. Just as I became analytical towards my own mind, so can you. That I did it, basically means that mot neurologically 'normal' people can prod their brains into a state of subjective awareness where the self has been understood deeply enough for you to imagine new and different ways for being.

So to with our societies; we need to encourage and expand awareness of what has been excluded in the modern world: subjectivity. Our own individual minds and experiences must be probed, because it is only by understanding ourselves that we can understand others. It is only by experiencing our own vulnerabilities that we can feel true empathy for those in others.

Mindfulness in schools, to me, seems like the obvious next step for our civilization. The idea is, now that we know the brain is plastic - were finally motivated enough to do what seemed intuitive the whole time: environment affects how we become. Therefore, we should establish a curriculum that emphasizes and seeks to develop meta-cognitive cognition towards self and body, self and relationships; and self and world. Since emotional experience subserves our cognition, a happy and stressed free school environment will only encourage better academic performance.