Losing political candidate blames loss on negative energy attack

After a stinging loss in his cities mayoral race, George Bland sat in a chair at his campaign headquarters, shoulders slouched, looking at his untied shoes.

 

Around him, his lackeys were struggling to console him over the defeat. They oohed and ahhed at at the things he had done to make the race against the incumbent as close as it was.

 

But all George could focus on was the loss.

 

"Why did all those people have signs saying I was a liar?" he asked without looking up.

 

"I believe that is one of the tactics politicians often use when trying to win a race," his aide suggested. "I've seen it a few time previously but there were like twenty of them out there."

 

"I know, what was that all about? You can't use negative energy in a political race, can you?" the mayor-not-to-be asked shocked at how much negative energy he had seen.

 

"Well sir, when we got back here I looked it up and you can in fact use negative energy," it was explained.

 

"Actually, you can pretty much do anything but eye gouge your adversary," said another man who was staring intently at his laptop.

 

"That's mixed martial arts Steve," the first aide explained.

 

"Oh, right, wrong website," he admitted, rapidly hitting keys to find the rules of engagement for a political race. "Ok, so eye gouging is allowed."

 

"Jeezus, you'd think we would have known about this beforehand!" George screamed, finally looking up from his shoelaces. "I could have worn a negative energy protective suit underneath my real suit and I'd have been just fine. God this is embarrassing."

 

"I've never heard of a negative energy protective suit sir," Steve, the aide admitted sheepishly. "I need to apologize because I did have a feeling there might be some negativity directed your way from the opposition and I didn't say anything. If I'd known a suit like that existed, I would have said something."

 

George looked up at the aide who made this admission with a scowl on his face. Looking into his doe-like eyes however, his scowl softened.

 

"I can't be negative toward you Steve, you're not wearing a negativity protective suit either and that's just not fair."

 

"How do you know that sir?" Greg, the other aide asked curiously.

 

"Because they're huge. I mean like snowmobile suit huge. So you'd look puffier than you do right now."

 

"And you would have worn it under your suit?" Steve asked.

 

"Yeah, to kind of hide it so people don't know that the negative energy you send at them is being blocked by it."

 

"Again, how do you know I'm not wearing one? My suit could be camouflaging it."

 

"Well you told me you had never heard about it. And I trust you."

 

Even though Steve wanted to further pursue the idea of the suit, which he believed was likely just a snowsuit that some homeless person had tried to sell his boss, he kept quiet, knowing George was still not in a great mood.

 

"Let's just remember it for next time," George said, moving on.

 

"Noted," Greg said, scratching down a note in his notepad.

 

"So where do we go from here? The next mayoral election won't be for three years," Steve wondered aloud.

 

"Unless he gets impeached for using negative energy," George said with a sly smile as though he had a plan to make just such a situation unfold. "Let's say a brown envelope just happens to get passed to the local newspaper newsroom editor and said editor just happens to say 'hey, look at how much illegal negative energy was thrown around at the last election, maybe we should impeach the mayor.' And then he runs a story and the public is outraged and they ask that the mayor be impeached and then after a year of protests, their wish is granted and a trial begins to impeach the mayor and the the judge listens to the arguments and needs a few months to deliberate and one day he comes out with a guilty verdict and the mayor, who is now about to be impeached, files an appeal and the judge grants it and spends the next few months going through the evidence presented to him and then takes a summer break. But then comes back with a final verdict of guilty and the mayor is impeached!"

 

"How long would that take?" Steve asked, having lost count of the number of months in his head.

 

"Probably four or five years max," George answered.

 

"Well that's more than the three years he would be in term."

 

"It is, isn't it?" he muttered. "Crap. Can we just start a hate campaign?"

 

"And say screw it to the negative energy?" Greg wondered. "It might work better than the 'He's not that bad' campaign we tried this time around."

 

"Yeah, just fire away with the negative stuff. Call him racist, hire prostitutes for him, kill his family."

 

"That's still illegal," Steve said, still looking at the rules of political engagement page.

 

'Well just the rest of the stuff then," the mayor-hopeful screamed giddily.

 

"I like it, I like it a lot," Greg said with malice in his voice. "Let's get dirty, let's get political."

 

The days loss was quickly forgotten and the gang had never felt so invigorated to break the law. Finally, they had entered the world of politics. and they were going to make the most of it.