Ice Scream part 1

I first wrote this when I was seven and after some tweaking, I'm gonna post it, enjoy P.S I know it's kinda cheesy

Ice Scream

 

Roles:

Julian

Liza

Paul

Cristy

Dan

Lor

Murderer

Babysitter

Mom

Dad

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Mom:

Remeber to tuck Julian in by ten

Dad:

and be sure he avoids peanuts

Babysitter:

Got it, Got it

Mom:

(putting on lipstick) we should be back by no later then twelve

Dad:

Thanks for watching the kids while we go out

Babysitter:

No problem, I was just gonna study anyway

Mom:

bye Juilan

Juilian(off scene):

bye mom

(door shuts)

Babysitter:

okay little s***s, what was I doing all night

All kids:

Studying

Babysitter:

Thats right, now I'm gonna go run up the phone bills

(Babysitter leaves)

Julian:

So what movie should we watch?

(fight breaks out)

Lor:

I know, lets watch a scary murder movie

(all kids agree)

Lor:

I suggest Friday the 13th

Paul:

sure why not

(Lor puts movie in)

Lor:

come baby (rubbing hands together

(lights go out, all kids scream)

Julian:

must be a power outage, I'll call the electric company

(goes into computer room

Julian:

oh right no power no phone calls. Hey Dan, can I borrow your cell phone?

Dan:

uh Julian.

Julian:

what

Dan:

I've got no signel

Julian:

How is this possible, my house has exellent servace

Dan:

Thats the most troubling part

Lor:

this is just like what happened in phycho cheerleaders 4

Paul:

How so?

Lor:

Powers dead, phone lines down, no cell signal, this has all the working of a murderer

Christy:

you're just being paranoid

Julian:

Okay, Liza, Dan, and I will go into the basment to try to find the problem with the electricity. Christy, Paul and Lor, you patrol the upstairs area

All kids:

got it

 

To Be Continued

 

 

Reviews

[bailish]

Just read your screenplay. Here are my observations. Take them or ignore them as you see fit.

There is no action described. Could you entice me more with showing a picture of what's happening? The dialogue by itself was rather common.

Everything was done too conveniently. Although this happens in movies all the time, there gets a point when the viewer will say that it was too convenient. For me, your story has passed that point.

Let me know when you've got the next draft, and I'll take another look at it.