She

First attempt at monlogue, is it any good?

The feeling of dread, the feeling of anxiety pulls over me. What have I done oh what have I done? What is this ink-black blood that is spread on my now shaking hands, sleeping and slowly clawing, ready to drip onto the sand below with a subtle splash that I can barely hear but yet other than my breath and the silent waves that crash into the shore every now and then there is only silence. Silence that is so deafening that you begin to face yourself and the voices which consume you but yet you ignore them every day for there is so much on the outside for you to focus on but here on the sand there is only you and the thoughts and voices.

I fall to my knees sniffling and crying with eyes wide. Why have I done what I have done, why am I the way I am? I scream to the ocean that stretches to eternity. Why god, why would you damn me to such a fate as this. Why do I act the way I act. Whoever is the one to sit upon the golden throne answer me or at least give a sign of existence. I have suffered greatly and to an extent, I believe you are there to protect so please answer me, answer my pleas for mercy. Do you not understand! My head swiveled to the dunes behind me as the sound of sirens echoed. If you do exist please let them not come. I beg for mercy for yes I have sinned but people look to you at the time of trouble so do I so please I beg you. The blood on my hands will forever stain my soul, why did I do it. Do you not forgive people like me? There is nothing to be done now that the deed was done but yet the memories I had with her. Why do you lead me to this fate, why! It all ended so abruptly along with all my love and all my work. Now the sirens getting closer and closer as I see shadows of men running up towards my very spot. I knew I should have stayed at the scene of my sin, of my crime for this would have ended much more swift. This pointless chase to the ocean carrying her limp body would help nothing but drive the knife of guilt in even deeper. No current would take away her limp body and no current would take my guilt. So I ask why do you bring me to such a fate as this, seeing my only love with another man after so many times she told me her love is only reserved for me. My anger reached a boiling point and there I was with a gun in hand. Bang I can still remember it like it was seconds ago even so it happened hours ago. A moment of silence followed by the search of my pockets till I found my gun as it glinted in the moonlight. You know god or whoever you are I plead I asked and you still justified my instability as fair maybe it humored you. I screamed for a minute. You know what if it humors you so much we should meet face to face and you could tell me what sick humor drove you to decide my fate and to you, my lover my apologies and I will bring a rose to you every day in the heavens. As the men approached him and began to yell he pulled the trigger and fell to the sand still holding her cold limp body ready to meet powers that be.

© 2017 midnight reaper

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Reviews

alanwgraham

Very good. You've done a good job in describing what might be going on in this persons head. Can I suggest that it might be more reader friendly if you divide the text into paragraphs and also divide up your sentences. Using more punctuation, particularly commas, would help the reader with understanding.
These are easy to do and would make your great piece even stronger.
Regards,
Alan

Posted 6 Years Ago

EJ's Horror

I am amazed at how you can tell a story like that, I'll be honest that's the second monologue I have read, the first one being "Snape's potion introduction, by J.K Rowling.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Wintershade

I think this is actually, incredible. It has a great deal of dramatic gravitas, which I think is essential for a good monologue. They have to be able to stand alone, which this does.
I also think that you have a very firm grasp of expressing complicated and contrary emotions, which is marvelous! I can 'hear' the texture of the voice that is speaking, if that makes sense to you. Having said that, my one suggestion would be to space it out a bit more. I realize that a monologue is a speech, but even those are separated on the page sometimes. Because your audience is not hearing it delivered, it could help punctuate, if you separated instead of just indenting? And also, consider making a few more paragraphs. Don't go overboard, but maybe the main body could be two instead of the one? Just a thought.