Sweet Panelopee

A Story by mom50801

My pet potbelly pig, so full of life but took way too soon.

Panelopee

March 18

Spring 2014

Panelopee

Happy Times

It is 6am on a Tuesday morning, March 18, 2014 and I am heading out the door with my husband Earl. We are taking our mini potbelly pig “Panelopee” to the vet in Chariton, Iowa. She needs to have surgery to be fixed. When female pigs reach five months old they need to be fixed so they do not go into heat because they can’t hold their bladders while they are in heat. Pigs go into heat every 21 days. She also needs the surgery because female pigs are prone to uterine cancer, so if I want to keep her for a long time, then she needs to be fixed. She is so playful in the mornings.

My husband Earl is 5’11 and 280 pounds; he shaves his head and has a goatee. To see this big burley man walking a pig on a leash, with a pink collar is just adorable. It is truly an amazing site to see. You can see his pride of Panelopee as he walks her. He just adores Panelopee as much as I do. As my husband Earl is getting dressed, Panelopee is running around on the hardwood floors chasing her ball with the elephant inside it. I hear her hoofs clicking on the wooden floors, like a tap dancer taps away. As Panelopee chases the ball she starts doing her little bark. It sounds just like a little dogs bark.

While she plays I go out to warm up the car because pigs hate cold, so the car needs to be warm for her. I come back in the house and she looks up at me smiling because she knows we are going for a ride. She is so cute when she smiles. Those pretty blue eyes looking up at you and her nose just twitching while she snorts softly at me. Panelopee loves car rides. She sits in the back of the car, sometimes looking out the window and sometimes she likes to cuddle in the big blanket back there and take a nap.

Earl is ready now, so we walk out to the car. Panelopee is leading the way. She stops at the back of the car waiting for me to pick her up and put her in the car. At that moment Earl looks at me and says, “When we get back I am going to build her a car ramp”. I smile at him to show my appreciation.

We hop in the car and off we go to the vet. Chariton, Iowa is an hour and a half from where I live. Panelopee is five months old and my most precious loving pet I have. She is like one of my children. Panelopee is very playful and an all around happy pig. She is black and has white feet and a white patch on her forehead with blue eyes. She loves to give kisses too.

Panelopee likes to sit on my lap to watch television and if I say the word “kisses” she will give me a kiss. Pigs are one of the top four smartest animals in the world. Panelopee knows when it is Tuesday nights because right at 7pm she jumps on the couch and starts snorting at me. She is telling me that our show is on. We sit there watching the show and she is sitting on my lap with her front legs on the arm of the couch, so she can see the show better. She does not move until it is over. Sometimes she will grab the lap blanket on the couch and cover us up with it. I think she thinks if she is cold than I must be cold too.

My son Marshall bought Panelopee as a Christmas gift for me. If you seen my house you would understand why. I have over 500 different pig statues, figurines, stuffed animals and pig dishes. I love pigs! So, my son thought Panelopee would be the perfect gift, he was right! Panelopee cost my son $500.00. She is worth every penny!

Panelopee is grunting in the back of the car. She is telling me she is hungry but I tell her she can’t eat yet. She needs to wait until after surgery. So I tell her after surgery we will buy her a vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles and that calms her down.

Usually first thing in the morning Panelopee eats breakfast, which consist of a mix of fruits, veggies and a few pig pellets for nutrition.

This morning was no breakfast because of her scheduled surgery.

So we head on down the road onto HWY 34 East to Chariton. You see nothing but farmland, cows and highway.

Panelopee fell asleep in the back and Earl and I are talking about going to the shops in town to buy Panelopee some dresses and toys. A lot of shops have pet clothes but we usually just buy her baby clothes. They fit just as well and last longer. When surgery is over and she feels better she will have some new toys to play with and new dresses to wear on her walks.

We arrive at the vets at 7:30am. Traffic was a bit heavy because it was a weekday and everyone was out driving to work.

So what should have took us an hour and a half to drive, now took two hours through traffic.

Inside the vets’ it has a mixture smell of all different animals. There are all kinds of different animal food products and health products to buy. Everything you can possibly need for your pet.

There is an assistant behind the desk. She looks to be about 25 years old. She has a short black haircut that reminds me of a French woman. She is very petite. The Doctor walks over to greet us. He is an average size man, mid 50’s, clean cut and has a soft voice.

He explains the procedure to us again and shows us around. He assures us everything will be fine because it is a simple surgery and he has never lost a pet yet. I think he seen the concern on my face about the surgery. So he tries to reassure me. We have been discussing her surgery for 2 months before today. He tells us that her surgery will start at 9:00am and they will keep her until 3pm to make sure she eats and goes potty.

The doctor has me put Panelopee in a room while they get the surgery room ready. I tell Panelopee “mommy will be back soon P”. We called her “P” for short. I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her and that I will see her soon, and we can get ice cream. P gives me a kiss and I wave bye. I tell the Dr “PLEASE, take care of my baby”. He assures me again everything will be fine.

Earl and I drive into town by the square to do some shopping. We find a few cute little dresses for Panelopee. One dress is yellow with a multi colored tutu on the bottom of it. The tutu is bright pink, yellow, purple and lime green with sparkles on it. The cutest dress I ever seen! Earl picks up a pink hat with sparkles on it for her to wear on our walks so she doesn’t get sunburn.

Yes pigs get sunburn very easily. You have to have some kind of shade while outside, like hats, shirts or umbrellas. If they are out playing for a long while then they will need a kiddy pool to cool off in. Our backyard has a piggy house that Earl built. It is tan and has windows and a door on it. The house also has a cushion bed in it for her rest on. We have a kiddy pool dug down into the ground for her to cool off in and we also have a mud hole dug out for her. Earl also built her a low sitting bench with a cushion on it for outside. Panelopee loves to jump on that bench and sleep in the warm breeze during summer. Panelopee loves being outside but she is a very clean pig because she doesn’t like mud. Yes I said it! Panelopee hates mud.

Panelopee loves to be clean. Every time it rained, a water puddle formed a small mud hole by the backdoor, well Panelopee will walk all the way around it to avoid the mud. It’s so cute to watch her look at the mud puddle then decide how to get around it.

It is noontime and we decide to go find something to eat. We eat lunch at this café called “ The Box”. It was an old brick building on the corner of the square. You walk in and see this dingy yellowish brownish stained carpet. The walls were a dim yellow with old pictures from the towns past and dusty knick-knacks. The tables were old wooden booths that had torn red vinyl seats.

The waitress walks over and she looks to be about 38 years old. She does not smile and looks as if she has a pretty hard life or something is weighing heavy on her mind. You can see it by the wrinkles in her face and the bags under her eyes. Her long black hair is tangled in the tie of her apron and she is wearing jeans and two different colored gym shoes. Maybe she got dressed in the dark.

Earl orders the chili cheeseburger and fries with a sprite. I order the BLT with onion rings and a coke. The waitress took or order without a word and returned in a few minutes with our drinks. She gave Earl a glass of ice and a can of sprite but she only gave me my can of coke, no glass. Which was fine because I looked at the glass and it looked like someone had been chewing on the rim.

Our food comes out and it looks good and smells great but after my first bite I was like no way I am eating this! The onion rings were half way decent, but that was it. As I look around the place I’m thinking about Panelopee. I was thinking how much P would like one of these onion rings. So I wrapped a few onion rings in a napkin for her. The onion rings were the only thing halfway decent to eat. I would not feed Panelopee anything I wouldn’t eat.

Usually when a restaurant is old the food is good. We have been to many places that were old ma and pa places with great food but this one was bad. So we pay the bill and decide to go to the baby store. They had everything you can think of for a baby. I saw these cute little sock booties. They had little pink piggy faces stitched on them. I grabbed them and told Earl, P can wear these when it’s wet outside and they will keep her feet warm. He agrees and grabs seven different pairs, one for everyday. I chuckle because it is just so cute how attached he is to her. Earl use to say the first day, “it’s just a pig” well guess he feels different now, he treats her like his child and that makes me happy.

It is now two o’clock and I want to go check on Panelopee. I can’t hold my excitement in. I want to hurry up and go get Panelopee. So we head back to the vets. It was only 10 minutes from the square but I drove so fast I think we made it there in two minutes.

The waiting area has an elderly lady paying her bill. She is about 72 years old, with silver blue hair and this funny looking bird hat on her head. I laugh because it reminds me of that cartoon lady “Maxine”.
I hear my name being called and I look up and the assistant comes over to gets us to take us back in the vets’ office area (which is right next to the waiting area, so everyone out there can still hear you). The vet looks at me and does not say anything for a minute, and then he says, “I am sorry, this has never happened before.” My mind went blank! I lost it! I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, I felt dizzy and I puked all over the vets’ floor. I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was pounding and I kept screaming “NO”! I felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest. My legs fell weak beneath me.

Earl is holding me up while the vet tells us that Panelopee went into “hypertension Persia Shock” and he tried everything to save her. The vet kept apologizing every few words. I ran out of the office crying. As I stepped outside, I puked again. After that I don’t know what happened. I must have passed out.

The next thing I remember I was waking up in the passenger seat of my car and Earl was driving. I looked at Earl without saying a word and he read my mind and answered with “Driving us home” he said. I can see the tears in his eyes and the pain on his face.

I started screaming at him “we have to go back and get Panelopee and bring her home!” I started balling all over again.

Earl proceeded to tell me that the vet is paying to have her cremated and put in an urn for us and that he will ship her to our house as soon as he can. I felt like my world was crashing around me. I cried all the way home. All I kept thinking was what did I do wrong? Why did I put her through the surgery? Why didn’t I do more research? How could I have done this to my baby? Why did I put her through this? It’s my fault! My entire fault!!

We arrive home and Earl had to help me out of the car and into the house. My son Marshall was waiting for us. Marshall hugged me tight while I just cried in his arms. Marshall loved Panelopee just as much as me. It was a special bond between my son, Panelopee and me. I only had her in my life for three months and it hurts to not have her here now!

I decided to try and sit on the couch and watch television but I couldn’t. All I kept thinking about was P. How she ran around the coffee table, barking every time she passed by me. Kind of like her saying “Look mom I’m running”. I just sat there crying, wondering how I could of still had her here with me if I wasn’t so selfish in making her have that surgery.

My son helps me up from the couch and walks me to my bed and tucks me in. I couldn’t handle sitting there without P. Marshall tells me to get rest and everything will be all right.

Mind you it is only 6pm. I cuddle in my bed under all my soft blankets and cried myself to sleep. Earl and Marshall kept coming in and waking me every couple of hours to try and get me to eat but, I couldn’t. The next morning I woke up at my usual time, 5am (that is the time P woke me up for breakfast) not thinking, the first thing I did was go to the fridge and grab a fresh orange and peel it and pull it apart for P.

I walked to P’s room and stood there holding the orange crying. Realizing she is really gone. I dropped the orange to the ground watching it bounce around the floor, making a sticky mess, trying to hold back my tears. Earl heard me and came out of the bedroom and walked me over to the couch and cuddled me. He tried so hard to comfort me but I didn’t want anyone but my P! So I shoved him away and got up and went back to bed. I slept the next two days away.

I woke up Saturday morning and sat in my bed for about an hour before getting up. Earl had to go into work today so he is already gone. He is trying to work overtime because he thinks; if he can get up enough money to buy me another mini pig I will be better. I admit it is a nice gesture but I am not ready yet. I don’t tell him this because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

I walk out to the living room and sit on the couch. I can see P’s room from where I sit. I just sit there staring into her room, hoping she come walking out. A memory, that I will see everyday, just from sitting on the couch. I am sitting here crying when I hear a loud knock on my door. I get up and answer it and it is the postman. The postman hands me these two big boxes and said, “Have a good day”. I look at him like “Do I look like I am having a good day?”

I look at the biggest box and it says the return address was “Pets Plus”. I start crying because I know it is Panelopee’s toys I ordered for her last month online. I know in this box is her treat ball, Frisbee and her new pillow. I push the box off to the side. I will deal with it later. I look at the other big box. It is a bit bigger then a toaster box. There is no return address on it that I can see. So I open it and just balled for hours because there was Panelopee in her urn! I cried and cried and cried. I still cry to this day. I miss her so much!

I take her urn out and hold it and look for the perfect spot to put her. I decide on setting her on my television mantel surrounded by my knick- knack pig collection.

Earl comes home for lunch and I tell him P arrived today. He says to me “I know I can tell by the look in yours eyes honey”. He hugs me and tries to tell me it will get better. I don’t know how I feel about that yet, because all I know is it hurts! As of now, every night I am home alone, with no Panelopee and with Earl working nights, it gets lonely.

Depression is setting in and I feel lost.

Everyone is getting on my nerves and I don’t want to be around anyone! Some people are sympathetic because they know pets are our kids but, some people I could just smack. I was at the grocery store on Monday and some lady I do not know came up to me and says “Honey I am sorry for your loss but it’s just a pig”. I snapped! I told that Lady it is not a pig! It is a pet, my baby, my child I have lost! I think I scared her because the look on her face was disbelief. Some people just don’t get it.

Then when some people say, “Get another pig”. Well, for one, they cost $500.00 each and I don’t have that kind of money. They are not cheap and right now I just want my Panelopee, not another one!

Sometimes I think, maybe I should get another one but that scares me too. I will be scared to put it through the surgery, but they have to have it for health reasons. If I get another one, am I feel like I am betraying Panelopee. I don’t know what to do; I am lost without my Panelopee!

It has been two weeks now and everyday is just the same.

Friends, co-workers and a few people I don’t know by name but by face. They keep asking me if I am all right, and if I am getting another pig. The only thing I can respond with is either anger or tears. My family tries to comfort me but I just want to be alone.

Every time I go to the fridge, all I see is Panelopees’ food. I would feed Panelopee, fresh veggies and fruits. Her favorite snack was watermelon. We would sit on the couch together and share a slice of watermelon, and of course I would also give her the rind. P liked the fresh fruity smell of the watermelon. The juice would run down our chins. Funny thing is that watermelon is my favorite thing to eat too. Weird to say this but, because of Panelopee I was even eating healthier too.

My cousin Chrissy came over today and announced that she just bought two pregnant mommy pigs and that when they have their babies I get the pick of the litter.

Her thoughtfulness is sweet and I understand she is trying to make me feel better but I am not sure. I would feel guilty. I tell her I don’t think I am ready but she insists I come out every weekend to see the babies when they arrive.

I tell her okay so I don’t hurt her feelings and agree to go see the babies when they are born.

There are still some mornings I wake up at five in the morning and catch myself grabbing fruit for P. Then I remember to put it back in the fridge as tears roll down my face. This hurts too much.

A few weeks later on a Saturday morning, the babies are born. Chrissy calls me and says there are two boys and seven girls. So as I promised I drove out to her farmhouse to look. As I approached the piglets I started to cry. I was crying because one certain girl piglet looks exactly like Panelopee! The girl piglet was black with white feet and instead of a white stripe on her head; she had a small white heart on her head with a white belly.

Chrissy told me that the heart on the piglets’ head was a sign from Panelopee to pick that piglet as mine. That made me cry even more. So I picked that little girl up and she nuzzled into my neck and fell asleep. I held the baby for a while then decided I needed to go home. Chrissy told me to come back again next weekend and to pick a name out for the baby. I just kind of shook my head with confusion as I got into my car.

I told Earl what happened today and he said he wanted to go with me next weekend. I expected him to say that because he thinks if I get another piglet then I will be fine.

Next weekend came and we headed for Chrissys’ house. She lives nine miles out of town, so it is a short drive.

We get to her house and we go to the baby piglets and that baby girl came right up to me. So of course I picked it up with tears falling. Earl picked up an all black male piglet. He got attached to both the boy and the girl. I told him I was not ready yet. He said it would be fine. I don’t know what he meant by that still.

So in a few weeks from today, April 18, 2014, we will have a new baby. We decided on just the girl for now.

I am still not sure how I feel about this yet. Well, half of me want the babies so bad, but the other half just feels so sad. Even when I am with them, memories just flood my heart of Panelopee. So I am not sure how I feel about all this yet. I guess in time will tell.

Well I now have the new baby girl at home and her name is Fancy Tofu, we call her TT for short. A friend of mine came up with the name Fancy and my daughter picked out Tofu as the middle name. I decided to just call her TT.

TT is black with blue eyes and white feet, white belly and has a white small heart on her head. She is like P in some ways but a lot of ways she is her own pig. I have had her now for a week and she has a cold. That worries me because when pigs catch a cold they are very prone to catch pneumonia and die. So I will call the vet and get her seen today.

Took TT to the vet. Doc said she is fine but we dewormed her and gave her the shots she needed. TT is not a cuddle bug like P was. The only time TT cuddles is around bedtime. TT has a different personality then P did, so I really need to get use to her and her me. I am still not sure about this but I do know that P would not want me sad everyday so that is why I think my family pushed TT on me. I still don't think I am done grieving over Panelopee but if it makes my family happy to bring TT into my life then so be it. I will do my best to bond with TT so they will think they have done good. Who knows, maybe over time it will do me good to have TT, but Panelopee will never be far from my heart and soul. It will be a bittersweet experience with TT and Panelopees’ memories. I love you my baby P!