Wasteland

Another one for the butterfly

I am only

me

I can only

be me

I cant make promises

I cant tell you

where I will be

from one day

to the next

 

I am not always

shiny happy clean

I am not always

able to hear words

meant for someone

else without feelings

the pangs of hurt

jealousy, or even

wanting.

 

I dont envy you

I dont envy

the choices you

need to make

 

That doesnt mean

I wont be here

It just means

you have to do

whatever it is

you do

when you do.

 

Alone

 

Like being born

dying

surgery

alone.

 

Reviews

[Michael X]

Angel, i am searching or a crtitique, this holds three elements i favor, its easy to understand, the wording is written as one long emotion, the thing is the line breaks dont reflect the easy wording. i think this would improve 100 fold by writing short complete sentences, imo. 100/100 for having mastery over wording

[Narnie]

Reading Michael's review, I would say either load it with punctuation (which would be a shame) or take out the few full stops that are there and let the words float deconstructed throughout. I think it is a wonderful breathy poem, which feels nice to say aloud even though the mood is low.

[deeps]

I like this write it says alot. To stay who you are! This is very well stated. Like this.

[Ruth]

The last stanza blew me away, awesome!

We just are and thats all we can hope to be and yet we always suffer with that inner thought that dwells on others issues for too long! lol

Poppy

[Gandré]

This emphasizes the close connection of the speaker with a friend in the natural world, it wouldn't idealize the future and tells me about a friendship that everybody has to gain the strength from his own attitude and then make progress; for the other one only can help when this person is ready and really wants to receive this help. This was quite deep, I liked this, this is different, poetry is so often based upon an idealistic world, which describes what people would to believe and understand about life and friendship.

[Tommy]

You have mastered the way of expression, in my point of view, which to some, means something, but to most means nothing.

"I am only
me
I can only
be me
I cant make promises
I cant tell you
where I will be
from one day
to the next"

This stanza stuck out to me the most, maybe because every time I seem to promise or commit to something I end up giving in or not following through. Well not every time, but allot of times.
Great work!
RLG,
Tommy

By the way I just cracked a beer. (said with a smile)

[Hippy]

i like this peice alot i hint saddness in it though i feel that your list of things done alone doesnt fit well from my experience dying isnt done alone physically maby but its still a good peice though when are we truley alone you got me thinking now thanks for that

[Ed Hart]

you may not be this or that; but, I'll bet at least once a day you're shiny happy clean...