Holden

 

 

 

 

Can you see me?

Out of the corners of your icy blue eyes

I have been watching you for a week now

My eyes follow you around the room

Sleep on your face

Until you look at me with your simple smirk

I look away dazed, shocked

Red in my face, it seeps down my tan neck

You turn me colors

What kind of trick is that?

Making me change

Different like you

I wonder if you have thought of me

While I have dreamed of you twice

Not lucid, like I can’t control

This was my dream’s dream

Nothing of my own

You grabbed my hips

While you kissed me softly

Then pushing me away

Talking of wrong doing

But it was right, I saw it

I felt it

I awoke feeling your presence

Feeling my eyes on you

When you’re not here.

 

Reviews

[Bachman]

It reminded me of when my husband and I were first dating, that feeling I got when I stayed over the night for the first time. The first time we woke after a nap caused by love making in the middle of a cool afternoon. That beautiful innocent little moment we had, the moment where age and maturity didn't matter, and doesn't matter to many that have a similar event with a new love.

You captured it as if you knew us from inside out. Though this is a reminder of my precious memory I wonder where you're writing it from. It's beautiful, innocent, and completely captures new love. Was that even what you meant it to be? Well written and explained, description is good and not overly done to ruin the tone of the work. Too much description can be bad with some works. This piece reflexes a true talent and speaks volumes to me about your potential as a writer.

I can see purity between the two characters mentioned, there's nothing fake, and nothing evil. For a change I read a work of simple love, pure, simple love. Good job.