Facing Fears

Facing Fears

                I am terrified of heights.  That’s why my stomach churned as I stood looking down at the ripples in the water forty feet below me.  Rocks poked their sharp, jarring heads out of the lake, which had only moments earlier looked peaceful and serene.  I gulped back the lump in my throat.  That morning, I had gotten into the boat with six of my friends intending to ride around, chat, and maybe do some water skiing.  But when my friend Erich, who had been driving, pulled up to some rocks covered in “no trespassing” signs, I could tell by his grin what he was planning to do.

                Back then, I swear, he always did things like this to watch me freak out.   If it was dangerous, he was interested in doing it.  He was the risk taker and I was the cautious voice of reason that he enjoyed ignoring.

                “You cannot climb up there,” I told him as I laughed incredulously.

                “That sounds like a challenge,” he said.  “Are you coming or not?”

                Erich swam out of the boat over to the rocky landing.  As he began to ascend the cliff, I watched between my fingers praying that he would not die, especially considering the fact that our phones were back at the house and we would not be able to call 911.  Red signs, which read “no trespassing” and “keep off” were spread out over the rocks, but that did not dissuade Erich from climbing.  When he reached the top, he stood looking out at the boat and waved his hands in the air.  I couldn't see his face from where we were watching but I’m sure he was smirking, as he did anytime he was up to trouble.

                He knew I was a nervous wreck.  That’s why he took several steps back, made a running start, and, as he stretched himself out over the cliff’s edge, he bent his knees hooking his hands around them and flipped backward.  I covered my eyes with my hands and squeezed them shut.  He is so stupid, I thought.  How can anyone be so stupid?  But after a splash, his head popped up out of the water and he paddled like a little wet dog back to the landing.

                “Awesome!” “That was sick!” shouted my friends Dan and Kevin as they pulled off their shirts and swam to the rocky shore on which Erich was now standing.  He grinned as he saw them coming toward him and hopped up and down yelling for the rest of us to get out of the boat.  While my friend Beth decided to stay back, two of the girls, Amanda and Mo, giggled as they climbed into the water.

                Idiots, I thought to myself.  Someone is going to get killed before this trip is over.

                “MEG!”  Erich was shrieking my name.  Everyone else had made it and was standing on rocks at shore and they were beginning to climb up to the top of the cliff.  “Come on, Meg!” 

I looked at all of my friends climbing up the rocks.  It did look like fun and, despite what I had predicted, Erich didn’t die when he jumped.  The temptation was killing me.  I am terrified of heights, but it’s a curious fear�"one that lures me in and causes me to peek over the edges of tall structures before the vertigo kicks in and I leap back.  I took a deep breath.  Oh, what the heck, I thought.  I might as well just try it.

I jumped out of the boat and swam over to the shore.  Erich met me at the landing and helped pull me up onto the rocks.  I can’t believe I’m doing this, I thought as I followed him up the rocks.  I scrambled up quickly as my adrenaline was pumping and my heart was beating fast.  I was terrified but excited as I watched my friends hurl themselves off of the cliff’s edge, dropping one by one into the water below.  I made it to the top.  There was no turning back.

I was not expecting the rocks to be so slippery, and I was not expecting the drop to be so steep.  But it was too late.  My stomach began to twist into knots as I peered over the edge.  Rocks looked back at me from below, jutting out of the water.  Once, this lake had seemed so gentle and beautiful.  Now, it looked both like a frightening death trap warning me to stay away, and a challenge beckoning me to jump.

I realized I had been standing there frozen.  Everyone was waiting for me.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to climb back down, but I allowed my mind to ponder the option anyway.  The rocks were too wet and too slippery to ever make it back by climbing.  I would almost definitely fall.  This is the dumbest decision I have ever made in my life, I thought.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  This was it.  I took a few steps back.  Please do not let me slip, I prayed intently, do not let me slip.  I took a running start and as I leaped off the edge of the rocks, my right foot slipped.  A fleeting moment of panic came over me, but as I pulled my foot in front of me I knew I would make it.  I had made it out far enough if only by a hair, but I would make it.

My eyes were closed when I first began to free fall toward the lake below.  I braced myself for the landing.  It seemed like minutes passed by in those seconds while I hung in the air.  I took a breath, then a second breath, plugged my nose and plunged deep into the water, its surface slapping hard against my skin.  I survived.

When I resurfaced, I heard laughter and voices calling my name.

“Meg… MEG!  This way… over here.” 

My eyes were squeezed shut because I was wearing contacts and I didn't want the lake water to get into them.  I swam back to the boat and wrapped myself up in a towel while the exhilaration subsided.  As someone who has always been terrified of heights, I never thought I would see the day when I would throw myself off of a cliff.  Maybe this wasn’t the wisest risk to take in facing a fear, but it is proof that fears cannot hold you back unless you let them.