Adolescent mind

Adolescent mind

A Poem by mou
"

words mixed with feelings

"

In somnambulism

Can’t find veracity though very

Gently treachery builds up

© 2018 mou


Author's Note

mou
try to do something like a Senryu..hope you like it

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Somnambulism......nice word!

As one who is a very, very deep sleeper I can't relate to the experience of sleepwalking, though I suspect the subconcious is still working overtime in its own peculiar way in such a state. And who knows what truths the mind can uncover in its waking sleep.

An interesting theme, Mou. Again, deep thoughts expressed in just a few words.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Reviews

I always loved these kinds of peoms which are short and beautiful, and no I know,thanks to you, that it's called Senryu ( a japanease style at least ) ^^
Though short, the meaning is so powerful and deep, it took me more time to understand it than if I've read a longer but superficial poem !
It's Wonderful ! *-*
Great Job =)


Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your wonderful visit and a sorry from this side for being late to such beautif.. read more
Love the choice of wording here and the tension it builds up, quite a remarkable tension in such a concise form, superb mou! :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

After a long time again my page gets lightened up by your visit. Thank you so much Poppy :)
Deeply written, and great usage of words! Loved it

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

thank you so much :) :)
Abraham Kureshi

2 Years Ago

You are welcome :) :) :)
If you wake up in bed from your sleepwalking - I'm not surprised you feel trepidation as to where you have been! Nice write - I agree with other reviews - not Senryu format - but who cares! Loved it … :-)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

sleepwalking has somehow grabbed the emotional stereotype with it's medical consequences and all..I .. read more
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Well, it would be a Senryu, if you got rid of a few syllables (Should be 5,7,5) but non the less, I think it is a very good poem. And in those three lines you open up a huge spectre. I once read about somnambulism . Apparently people have been known to drive a car, and even commit murder in their 'sleep', with no memory of it afterwards! I know lots of people in my life, who say and do things they later claim to have on knowledge of. Were they asleep? I dread to think of the 'truth' of it ... tooo scary. As you say 'gently treachery builds up.' Good for you, for writing this poem!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

It's lovely to have your visit here..I'm sending you positive vibes only and thanks for your sweet t.. read more
Great Aunt Astri

2 Years Ago

You are welcome.
definitely a Senryu ... tho not the strict 5-7-5 .. even the Japanese soon allowed themselves some leeway .. your poem is about people vs nature as with haiku and has a darkness to it and has well thought out foible of walking around with eyes closed..or head in the sand ..treachery can and does sneak right up on us ;) from my standpoint it is a fine Senryu that took some thought to develop .. thank you for the friend request mou ... i apologize for sitting on it for so long ... i am happy to get to know you
E.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

wow thanks a ton for your such beautiful eyes.. I forgot somewhere the subject called 'Senryu' with .. read more
I loved the use of words. Made me smile. Sleepwalking can be dangerous. Thank you Mou for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much ..your visit is always a pleasure :)
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

You are welcome mou.
Indeed...it pays to be alert. Well said mou.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much Divya :)
Less is more. Short and to the point.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

Thanks much for such a lovely visit
I am often a firm believer in the idea of 'less is more' and what you have said in these few words speaks volumes. One can tell that alot of thought went into this original write.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mou

2 Years Ago

Thank you..very kind words of yours..I appreciate your time and words very much :) :)

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Added on March 2, 2018
Last Updated on March 6, 2018

Author

mou
mou

About
Poetess. Short story writer. I'm currently working on my book. https://www.twitter.com/writer_Mou_G Some of my favourite quotes "Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary." -J.M.Ba.. more..

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