Masterpiece

There are times in life, where you sit back and take account for all the choices you have made and the paths that you decided to forge down. It is difficult at times to figure out exactly why certain choices were made and I find the haze of age makes it impossible to remember the feelings and desires that directly altered my course of life. At the time, they were obviously very important and I can assume that I felt like they were the right ones for me. In retrospection, I am curious where I would find myself if different paths had been chosen. Certainly, not for the reason that I am disappointed in my choices or unhappy with the results. I feel I have grown a lot from the life I have lived up til now and would not be the person I am today if not for all of the experiences, both good and bad. As the typical human, I still question... if I had to do it again, would it go the same way? In all actuality, it probably would. Life isn't a series of blunders, trips and falls. It is a collage of life altering events that accumulate into one beautiful master piece...that is called "me". I am the painter of my life as I know it. I am not a product of my environment. I am a direct reflection of my trial and errors and ups and downs and the sometimes futile attempt of listening to my inner voice that speaks to me all the time whether I choose to listen or not. I am not made by anyone but myself and the knowledge I have accrued of life and love and who I want to be as a person and who I want to be as a mother. Some people tend to place blame...blame on their parents, society, government...etc. I like to think that I am stronger than that. I will not place blame on anyone but myself if I find something in my life I am unhappy with or feel needs changing. Aren't I capable of changing things that need changed? Aren't I aware of what is right and wrong in my eyes and in my heart? If so, then how can anyone be blamed for my decisions once an adult? I believe that no matter what my choices have been, whether right or wrong, I must accept responsibility for the end results...negative or positive. I am the master and chief of my world. I may be curious of what may have been, but the truth is that I am me...Joy, because of my life choices. Not anyone elses choices ...my choices! There will always be outside influences that come into play, but how I allow them to change me is ultimately my choice. If everyone would realize this and take responsibility for themselves, I believe things in the world would make more sense. So paths chosen differently would paint a completely different picture from what is before you today... In the end it is my masterpiece and I am happy and comfortable with it. I am not finished though. I have more to paint....

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a well-stated explanation of your philosophy & I am left feeling very clear about how you see your life & your place in the world. I admire your strength & determination to take responsibility for everything in your life, but I wish you could celebrate your victories without inadvertently slamming those of us who are not as strong and self-determined as you are. I agree that many people blame others as a habit of not taking responsibility for their choices. But there are also people who have been thru such a relentless hammering of tough experiences, it truly distorts everything you ever were or tried to be. I don't feel good about expounding on how other people should respond to their tragedies. We can never understand the profound brokenness deep inside some people, or how it might've come about, or how hard & how long a person has worked to overcome. This piece would be stronger if it felt more like an uplifting, encouraging explanation, rather than a critical assessment, dividing humans into those who are strong enuf to overcome & those who are not (& inherently inferior).