Alive for a promise

"For you my freind.. For your love
I'd give up my life.. My being I'd slay"
The greatest heroes of the time of love..
This is what they would say

Your heroic promise.. I don't question
You love for them beloved.. is beyond suspicion

It's just an innocent wonder, though
That how through leaving those who need you to exist
Could possibly your love show?

I'm no hero.. Not even close
But there's a promise that I chose
A promise made to those I loveThat when it's needed.. I'll be their safe cove

"You mean more than life".. An easy claim
For one's own vitality, atleast for me, is just another game

To live for someone.. against your will
To live on for them.. when yourself you'd rather kill
That's what'd take courage
To fight against death.. and all your rage

For a promise you made.. to never let go
Of their hand.. to lead them on through their woe

Those heroes.. they kept their word
They departed.. for the better good of all they loved
If only their spirit could look down
From the heavens to which they've been sworn
They might see..
Those they said they died for.. are left with only tears
Flowing at how their love wasn;t good enough to keep you on..
And how their world's crumbled
How they lost their cover
How each day.. they sink lower

But their heroic claim.. i can't question
Beyond my mortal reach.. was their godly decision

All I can say, though, is
That I'm alive for a promise
My life I give to hold you close
I live on.. to that promise..and to your call I rose..

Reviews

[StoryTailor]

You like to write pieces that have an in deep, personal feeling to them, don't you? At least, the few that I've read are incredible at that. At least, for me they were. It touched me so... it was quite emotional, and that, I believe, is the only thing that you need in a poem.

[Alicante lullaby]

wonderful thoughts and a different version of a hero,,,,you have been saying
iam not a hero or even close
yet the promise is pretty heroic,,,to live for those you love,,,

[The Perfectionist]

Okay, this time you actually stuck to a rhyme scheme (yay for you!) but you're still plagued by the problem of trying to use too much language where you don't have the room. A 20-foot high door would look very impressive on your house, but unless you are Bill Gates, it's probably neither economical or fitting to your house's design.

When you have poetry, and rhyming poetry especially, that you want to have a flow to it, you need to be conscious of the rhythm, and from the fact that every single one of your pieces so far (and you sent me like 6 more RRs to do) has had this problem, I don't think you are. There's a lot more to rhyming than just ending with the same sound.

[Therene]

This one reminded me why I don't have faith in promises, which is good. Actually the opposite of my own.

My point is it's a very good write. In depth and spontaneity. :D

Keep up the good work.

I'd be reading more of your work.

[Dom]

Theres so much emotion in this! Good job :)

[fhamie]

so deep...lot of courage.
good one!
keep it up!

[deeps]

WOW! This is quite the write here.
You have alot of emotion poured out here.
I can feel this wirte. Very well stated!

[Dev]

Very nice write. Its funny i cant call it poem , coz that seems soo childish. This is deep and as usual can have different meanings fr different ppl !!