A Personal Experience

This is a real story. This is something that I have experienced.

I was 12 years old, in 7th grade, when I shifted to Delhi with my parents. I did not enjoy my new school initially, but gradually I made friends and started enjoying my time with them. Everything was going smooth until one day, when I got to know that Harsh, one of my classmates, had a crush on me. No one had ever had a crush on me, he was probably the first one. Like they say, there is a first time for everything. 

I had no interest in getting into relationships until then. Once I knew about Harsh, I started to think about him all day, sometimes getting happy, sometimes confused and nervous. My friends started telling me that we would make a good pair and we were made for each other. I started believing them and also developed feelings for him, and within a few months, I was craving to come in a relationship with him.

I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from proposing him. I wrote about my feelings on a piece of paper and handed it to Harsh. I also asked him if he felt the same for me.

After almost a week, I was going into my classroom in the morning and Harsh was standing in the corridor next to our class. He called me and told me to look at the first bench of the room. I went inside with excitement, hoping for a 'yes'. I found a paper lying on one of the bench. I quickly took it and read it. And... it was a 'yes'. 

I became super happy. I told all my friends about it. I didn't want the entire class to know that we were dating, so I told Harsh and my friends to keep it a secret. That day, when I went back home, I was really happy. I spent the day thinking about all those moments we could share now. But unfortunately Harsh lived in the school hostel, so, he wasn't allowed to go out. He was also not allowed to talk over a phone. Both of us were too shy to talk to each other in school, so we spent a year and a half without talking to each other. I know that is really stupid, but I was too small to understand that. 

It was a casual day, just like the others. All of us had been promoted to 8th grade. The teacher had made Harsh sit in front of me. He was trying to turn back and look at me, from quite some time. Then finally, he turned back and said, "Hi Tanya."

"Hi." I replied in a very nervous state. Honestly, these were the first words we spoke to each other. 

Since that day, both of us greeted each other with a hello and a goodbye and this continued for another year, until we were in our 9th grade. This was the best year of our relationship. We started talking a little bit in school. We also spoke over the phone. But as the year passed, I realized that our relationship was a mistake. The feelings were not real and natural, they were instilled. I did not enjoy talking to him.

I spent months consulting my friends, asking whether I should break up or not. It took me the entire summer vacation, before I finally told him that I wanted to break up. I didn't want to hurt him, I was just being very honest about my feelings. I thought that it is a better thing to do, instead of faking a relationship. 

Obviously Harsh didn't like my decision. He tried convincing me but I was quite sure about my decision and also I couldn't fake things up. 

A few weeks later, a new academic year started. We were promoted to 10th grade. I can still re-collect all the fun me and my friends had during those days. I really miss those days and I wish they could come back.

After all that had happened in the last few months, I decided to change myself from a very shy and obedient girl to a bold person who knows how to enjoy life. 

I had decided that I would never be in a relationship, after all that experience; but seems like there was something left to be experienced. I saw Shrey in my school. He was 2 years older than me. I fell for him the moment I saw him. One of my friends was close to him and luckily she introduced me to him. The first time we spoke to each other, I remember all the details, the exact words he had spoken. 

A few months passed away. We didn't talk much, but we used to text each other quite often. I was going to change my school next year and I had only a month left. I didn't want to leave without telling what I felt for him. If he felt the same, things could go ahead. It was during our exams, when I had a conversation with him about this. I was too nervous but somehow I told him that I liked him. I wasn't expecting for what he told me.

"Let's focus on our exams for now. We'll talk about this once we finish with them, and maybe then we can take things forward." this is exactly what he said.

I was left confused. Did this mean he wanted to take things forward seriously? Or was he just trying to avoid me? I kept wondering, till the exams were over. It was our last day at school and my friends could see the sorrow on my face. Shrey was with his friends and I could see how happy everyone was. That was the last time I saw him. I didn't know if I would ever meet him again or even if we would talk to each other, but as they say, there is always hope. 

Finally, school was over and I was at home, enjoying the summer vacation. Or maybe I wasn't enjoying it. A few days passed and I couldn't get Shrey off my mind. I was constantly thinking about whether he liked me or not, should I text him or not. I gathered up some courage ad texted him. Not a general text, but a message conveying my feelings for him and asking him if he felt the same way. He said yes, and once again, I was in a relationship.

It felt so good when things had just started. We would message each other and talk about almost everything. I thought that this relationship was different from the previous one. I felt that we could take things really ahead, and for a really long time; probably for the entire life (that's just what I thought). 

But I guess good things don't last long. After a month or two, he stopped texting me. He would just reply to my messages with some boring answer. I felt that there was something wrong. I told my friends about it. They advised me to talk to him and sort things out. I was about to do that, when one of my friend called me. 

"I got a message from Shrey! Someone from our class told him that you are cheating on him." This is what she told me.

I could feel my heart break into a million pieces. I didn't understand what had just happened. I genuinely liked him. I could not even think of cheating on someone, especially Shrey. Knowing that he didn't trust me, was the worst feeling. He should have had cleared things by asking me. If he doubted, then why did he come in a relationship with me? Maybe it was karma. I had broken someone's heart and now that was now happening with me.

All my friends told me to talk to him and clear the misunderstanding, but I wasn't ready for that. I waited for a few weeks before I called him up. I asked him about the matter. He tried to come up with excuses and said that he didn't talk to me about this because he didn't want to hurt me. But what he didn't understand was that talking directly and clearing things up was far better than telling others and spoiling my reputation. 

I told him that such misunderstandings can occur anytime, so it is better that we end things up, and on a good note. 

So this was my experience of love. Maybe I haven't found the right person yet. 

Author's Note

I have just poured down my emotions and haven't taken much care of grammar, so please ignore any mistakes.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This well-written tale has freshened my memory of how things were when I was young. Romantic feelings are new and powerful. How can we possibly navigate in that minefield of ecstasy and agony? Could you learn how to do it from a book? Probably not, so we have stumble forth with vulnerable heats, just hoping that love may be acquired. A good lesson you've shown, also. No one can hide from karma.