broke, to be fixed

Willpower, pain,tears, broken,peices. Once damaged, to be fixed and return to duty.

Its pretty s**t huh, i mean..at first your blinded by the good in the person, completely oblivious to what we should really be paying attention to, i believe during any relationship whether they're lover's, freinds, co-workers or even distant family there's always two personalities. There's the first personality introduced at the start of every relationship between partners that we fall in love with, we get absolutely spoilt to the point where you may believe your love for them is completely endless. You believe that this person is that special someone that you'll eventually marry and spend the rest of your joyfilled lives, then unfortunately there's the second personality that gets let out in the later stages after you're basically head over heels for them and deeply stuck in love, your dreams and goals together are set, nobody is stopping you two.. Until.. Unfortunately, When the blinded one, see's and realizes one is real and one is not.. the first one we encounter is to comfort us and make us bond like we're living a fairytale dream, this is only the bait. Sad but somewhat true.. Once we settle, the real personality is introduced, in small portion's obviously not to scare us away but enough to feel the pain... I guess the phrase 'killing me softly with his heart' fits in perfectly. By this time memories are made, photos are framed, presents are brought and dates are remembered, and the heart is set. It's selfish and honestly disgusting, to play with people's delicate, scared and weak but true and real hearts in such a way. This is where we become wiser, stronger and more cautious. Our walls of trust are put back up so high and strong that you may think not even you can bring them down. So here we stand stabbed in the heart, it hurts sometimes unimaginably, that uncomfortable gulping moment when you just feel like your getting strangled everytime you're reminded, those eyelids full to the brim of your once caring and loving tears, gasping for air, swallowing the word's you want to speak.. it's the worst... why would someone who hugs you and tells you they love you every night, kisses you, tells you that you complete them, do such a thing? I sat there one on one with my broken self, drunk, stonned, straight and lost, accross the country, 33 levels in the sky on a balcony with an ocean view and a horizon just filled with my questions then seeking the answers one by one. I then came to realize is it because they know we're real, our love is pure, they then doubt themselves with how they dont suit your criteria to begin with, they know we deserve better, they know our deep profound meaning of love is worth much more, they're constantly worried and on edge, asking themselves whens the box of realization going to unfold, the box that they have been burying with constant bullshit, hoping that its never found, constantly playing with our emotions by saying what we want to hear just to sooth away the pain and the tears, anyone can say what we want to hear..... but when what we want to hear comes from the bottom of their hearts truthfully and 100% real our hearts heal and continue to love, unsure of what else is in store.. but it'll never be real if it isnt real from the beginning, it'll never work if they didnt pursue their real personality to love and care the same way we did. Instead of a fake to lure our hearts.... this...this essay, these words, these sentences this is what i buried inside me, a big burning fireball buried deep in my heart never to come back to, just let it burn and let time heal the wounds... No, I've suffered enough, i thought enough, I've cried enough, my hearts burning with every reminder of her, she started the fire but i let it burn i watched it burn, but these words stuck inside this fireball was the fuel to the fire. Remove the source of a flame to see ashes, ashes to dust and dust to air. Gone amd forgotten i will move on, i will be strong, i will keep my head high and continue to love and trust with nothing more but my complete heart. Not looking back on anything i will not shed another tear, live past memories and moments shared with you just to be reminded of what the real prime example of a heartbreaker is... not sure if i should be leaving my name down here somehwere but i will anyway.
Mozz Diler �'�

Author's Note

Medium language.

Reviews

[prince digbani]

You caught my attention with this line in your writeup".... then came to realize is it because
they know we're real, our love is pure, they then
doubt themselves with how they dont suit your
criteria to begin with, they know we deserve
better, they know our deep profound meaning of
love is worth much more, they're constantly
worried and on edge, asking themselves whens
the box of realization going to unfold, the box
that they have been burying with constant
bullshit, hoping that its never found, constantly
playing with our emotions by saying what we
want to hear just to sooth away the pain and
the tears, anyone can say what we want to
hear.." of a truth this negative feeling destroys promising relationships. Thanks for the share.