i'm not gay.

reinstated

I’m not gay because it’s the popular thing to do.

I don’t like the labels and the titles that make their way ...

along the hallways of whisper and refrain

I’m not some spoiled brat trying to defy ...

mommy and daddy and all the saints.

I’m not looking for an excuse ...

To lay out on some overpaid shrinks couch ...

tell my life story, blame it on my childhood

and waste perfectly good tissue.

 

I’m not gay because I’m mad at boys

(well, maybe I am)

and I’m not confused about who I am ...

Because someone told me it was the thing to do,

because I live a little too close to P-town

or because I’m aspiring to win some award ...

as newcomer of the year in Playboy or Hustler.

 

I’m not gay because I kissed a girl

(or two, or three)

and I’m not gay because she (they) kissed me too.

And I’m not tearing my family to pieces because I think it’s good for the kids.

In fact, every now and again, I wonder if it’s the thing to do ...

If maybe, for my husband’s sake,

I could just muddle through.

The thing that re-assures me and keeps me sane.

The piece of the puzzle that rears it’s lesbian head:

 

I’m not gay for any other reason than this...

No one has ever moved my pen,

like that girl, like any girl.

the feeling that I get ...

the reason that my keyboard stays up late at night

I am not gay because I choose to be

I am gay because I can finally write.

 

Reviews

[Nick Erickson]

This is absolutely wonderful, your true feelings and thoughts laid out on "paper".
The fact that you laid down, even your second thoughts or doubts in this piece, show that you are being sincere and honest with yourself... who cares what anyone else thinks... the important fact in this piece is your honesty with yourself.

"In fact, every now and again, I wonder if it's the thing to do ...
If maybe, for my husband's sake,
I could just muddle through."

Very well done, your emotions and feelings out here for all of us to read. Excellent.

[Legion]

At least you know what you are or aren't. :) Great write.

[Brette Medb]

I loved this! Being who you are and finally finding yourself no matter the labels or the times, just being who you're meant to be. Another great piece of work!

Brette