The Games

R. B. is the author of the first half of this piece and I am the author of the second half. This is done for a contest. I had fun with this one.

The captain walked in. Everyone stood up in attention.
They stuck their elbow in my sides. I flinched. One of them, I couldn't see which, said softly, so the Captain wouldn't hear: 'That means he's a virgin!'
'O Captain! My Captain!' The first one said.
'O Captain! My Captain!' The second followed.
'At ease, gentlemen,' he said, and they sat down. I had both men on my flanks.
The Captain sized me up, reached with the cigarette he extracted out of his shirt pocket to the flame the first one kept flickering just for him, grabbed the brandy glass from the other, sat back while pulling his pants up, sighed happily and cleared his throat.
'Right, Mr. Cherry, let me…'
'Dr. Cherry,' I said.
'Dr. Cherry. Let me be the first to welcome you here. We have heard much good about your work and are nothing short of delighted to have you on board.'
'Thank you, Captain.' I said. 'Might I ask what your function in the outfit is?'
'More than may, Mr. Cherry, but…'
'Dr. Cherry.'
'Dr. Cherry, but first things first. Sgt.'
'Yes, sir.' The first one said.
'How are we fairing for dinner? I want a full report.'
The first man got up, pulled out a clipboard from the Devil knows where, and spoke.
'Tonight's supper will consist of artichokes with garlic as appetizer. First course will be a fish soup, finely grounded using fresh sea produce and seasoned with Persian yoghurt and goat's sour cream, served with a slightly charcoaled ciabatta. Next up, lamb medallions seared on oven bricks, side-dished by roast King Edward potatoes swabbed with olive oil and grated cheese, and a mixed salad comprising of twelve-hour-old roquette and organic fried seaweed. For dessert, a passion fruit tartlet with a scoop of fair traded 85% real cocoa chocolate ice cream, polished off by a nice decaf almond espresso, Captain.'
The Captain got up, strutted around the room while blowing smoke rings all over the compound's room and drummed his free fingers on his athletic stomach.
'I don't know, Sgt. This sounds risky. Garlic on fresh artichokes? It can overcome the green stalk's freshness. I trust these are fresh ones, not like the canned ones you got in Operation Modem.'
'Yes Captain,' the first one said, lowering his eyes to the floor, 'it won't happen again.'
'And olive oil potatoes? I like the cut of your jib, but I'm not sure about that…'
'Captain?'
'And mixing chocolate with passion fruit. You're a gutsy man, Sgt., but sometimes you're ahead of your time, and I say this with the utmost admiration. Right. Now. What we're going to do is try to come up with some honest-to-God cereal baguette. Sgt.!'
'Yes Captain!' The second one said.
'Go and find a decent baker and don't forget to keep the receipt. I don't want HQ on my back. We need all the quiet we can get around here if we're to win this thing.'
'Yes Captain!'
'Sgt.'
'Yes Captain!' The first one said.
'You go and try and find us a decent steamer and some table-sized skewers for the weekend. Wooden, not plastic. This we learned with blood. If we want to win with this fondue and antipasti, we have to think like the early bird!'
'Yes Captain!'
The two left the room.
The Captain looked at me, clicked his tongue and cleared his throat once more.
'Now, as I understand it, Mr. Cherry, you…'
'Dr. Cherry.'
'Dr. Cherry, you have come to take me in.'
'That's right, Captain.'
'Good. You'll be staying for dinner then.'
 

By R. B.

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"Well no, I’m on a schedule and we will have to be going. There will be a nice dinner waiting for you when we get to our destination." From the way his men are acting the Captain will need some finessing. I need to approach him with extreem caution. Dr. Cherry’s inner voice made plans to take the Captain in without having the orderlies strong-arm him.

"Oh, Mr. Cherry."

"Dr. Cherry."

"Dr. Cherry, the chef here at the officers club has gone to a great deal of trouble preparing tonight’s meal. You must stay long enough to partake in these beautifully prepared delicacies."

"Sorry Captain, we must be on our way."

"Where are we going Mr. Cherry?"

"It’s Dr. Cherry, Captain."

"Ok, Dr. Cherry. Where are we going?"

"You mentioned the win. Well where we are going is where we will play the game. The Naval Base Sanitarium that’s where the game is to be played this year, but we have to move quickly, if we want to be in the top five."

"Oh you say that if we wait long enough to have dinner; we might miss all the fun."

"That’s what I’m saying. So we had better get moving; don’t you think?"

"Sgt we won’t be having dinner here tonight. Please give my apologies to Cook. The games are going to be played somewhere else this year."

"Yes sir, I will."

"Dr. Cherry, I see a couple of sailors escorted you here."

"Yes, I have asked them to help you get dressed for tonight’s games."

"I don’t remember wearing a white coat last year. I have always worn my dress uniform."

"The Army is doing things a little different this year. They don’t want the officers set apart from the enlisted men."

"You know Mr. Cherry, that’s a good idea."

"That’s Dr. Cherry." The good doctor said for about fifteenth time.

"Oh yes, it’s Dr. Cherry. What kind of doctor are you, Dr. Cherry?"

"I’m the base psychiatrist."

"Oh you’re the base shrink. You’re the first shrink to be involved in the games."

"Oh I got a special invitation this year to join in the games. Better hurry and get dressed or we will miss the games." The two men dressed in white helped the smiling Captain into the white coat.

"Dr. Cherry, I can’t seem to move my arms. How am I going to play the games like this?"

"We want to give the enlisted men a chance to win a few this year, and that’s why all officers are wearing these white coats."

"If all the officers are wearing these white coats; where’s yours?"

"Oh didn’t I tell you when I arrived. I’m one of the judges.

"You said your name was Dr. Cherry not Judge Cherry?"

"I’m a doctor and a judge. In fact I’m your doctor and your judge. I’ll decide when you win the games. Now go with these nice men to the Base Sanitarium and the games will begin."

"I'm ready, willing and able.  Let's get going Mr. Dr. Judge Cherry."

 

Author's Note

For Fill in the story contest.

Reviews

[Ran Bleich]

Dear Nancy,

First things first: Congratulations for winning. I know you are the only contestant, but nonetheless, it is a most worthy entry and I sure as hell enjoyed it. Kudos for you, and hope to see more of your work.

Now for the review:

First of all, let me say that you write well, and most of the following notes are in relation to the contest. I know that I said that there are no rules, but certain inconsistencies bugged me while reading it, that I just have to point out. Now, you may be aware of them or not, but I think some things you rushed into too fast, which are not as important as they would seem, but still are worth mentioning.

First off, the first half of the story that I wrote was in the first person. I know that you didn't have to, but I naturally assumed you'd continue it with a first person narrative. Instead, you went on with the third person. Now to me, not only did it cut the story in half (It was pretty clear when mine ended and yours begain, which is not a bad thing at all, but technically - narrative-wise, it doesn't click) but it gave me, the reader, the impression that you didn't take the first half of the story into full consideration. The point of the game was not to write a story based on a premise, but to actually continue a story.

Secondly, I deliberately put in certain gags, references and motives that I thought a contestant would follow, one way or another: The extensive description of fine cuisine, the send-off to Walt Whitman's poem ('O captain, my captain!'), etc. I quickly forgot about the food, and most importantly, about the two other characters (Sgts.) who were an important part of the scene before you took over. I know they were there, but they weren't as present as in my half.

Thirdly, it was a great way to answer the three questions of the contest. Good job!

So much for the contest angle. Now for the story itself.

The story has a killer idea and an extremely plausible one (more than mine, that's for sure) but what did bug me was that the punchline of it (the fact that Dr. Cherry's a shrink and he's there to bring the Cpt. into the clinic) is pretty obvious dead on. It would be great if you could lead us by the nose up until the very ending in some way. Once the reader knows the score, the dialogue and action after it are pretty much pointless and repetetive, and are close to being smarming patter, narratively speaking. It is well-written, but it has no purpose. Does this make sense?

Overall, I enjoyed 'The Games'.

Thank you for participating, and hope to see more of you,

Yours,

Ran Bleich

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

I think you took me off the deep end with laughter, Nancy. Way to go with the story line! I hope Dr. Judge Cherry isn't headed over to my place next. :-) Sharon