Whispers on the Roof

You're different now, you know. And we're growing apart. No matter how much we'd like to go back to the way it used to be, we're more different than we ever were.

you're like whispers
on the roof, hitting
once and falling
away

different with each
day, and I watch
you wasting your
time

I want to ask
where you are,
and why you won't
answer

I want to know
what you've done
to the butterfly I
knew

yet I want
to see how
far you go
past

I want you
to wake up
and someday
realize

that you've left
the newly beaten
path, wandered to the
old

that you can never get
those moments you've
lost; no more are we
sisters

we're simply pretending
to be the way we
might have been, totally
free

but as you move
on, join the crowd,
I can't help but
wonder...

am I the flawed,
clinging to the
past, as you grow
up?

is it foolishness
to keep as a child,
and look at each moment
intrigued?

then is it adult,
to merge into
the flow, to
assimilate?

should I become
like you, and shun
the carefree manner I
possess?

should I appeal, like
you, to the those of
the opposite, clouded in
falsehood?

maybe I should adopt
untruth and arrogance;
who I am, for another
ego

perhaps I should
live in the future,
always worried, always
planning

the future doesn't
concern me, but maybe
it should; plans made - like
you

though I'm not like
that...though I'm childish
and silly and maybe even
wise

should I give up
who I am, to be
with you again...
just friends?

Author's Note

Um. Yeah. This is a really personal piece, but don't think that means you can be nice when you review...critique your hearts out.

Reviews

[Jaffa Forbes]

I'm lovin' this piece. Really good use of the design of the poem, flicking from one side to the other, as if you're toying with being one thing and then with being the other. For me, the first four stanzas were the best and most beautiful, you start with the frankly very likeable imagery of 'whispers on roofs', and the placement and rhythm of 'I want to ask/where you are,/and why you won't/answer'. It hits you on the single word 'answer', great. I would love to see more of this great imagery and great placement in the rest of the poem. In places, I feel you dangerously stray into the realms of text messages and not poetry. On a very practical note, I would suggest putting 'no more are we sisters' on a separate line, just because I think it gives it the power that it deserves. All in all... great piece. A pleasure to read.
Jaff

[Seracies]

I love the feel of the whispers, how they bounced through each stanza, and how it's evolved into something more as it goes along, growing bigger and expanding. There was a depth to this, with all your questions. And I love how it was written to someone, that person with a past of some bitterness and peace that the reader can only glimpse, yet there is no mistaking it.