Rant - The Forgotten Friend

A Poem by ForgetMeNot

Unstructured sloppy rant at 2am

You may not think about me on a regular basis. I may never cross your mind when you make plans with friends. I'm not the first one you want to talk to when a new song is out or something important happens in your life. You have other friends. Friends you're closer to. Friends you spend much more time with. Ones easier to meet with, easier to talk to, more convenient to be with. I'm not priority in your life.

But you are to me. Whether you know it or not, I think about you. When I find something you'd like, when I hear a song you showed me, when I'm lonely.. I think about you. You're always invited to anything I plan, though you rarely come. I repeat your dumb jokes daily. I talk about you constantly to others in my life, telling stories of the few times we've done things together. It's not often but I enjoy the time we spend together, even though it's usually on other peoples accord and not my own. You're not there to see "me". 

Your circle is big. I get there just isn't room for everyone. But you Are a part of my very small circle. You mean something to me. And it F*****G HURTS to know i don't mean the same to you. To anyone. 

But it's not your fault. You have a life that doesn't revolve around me. I just wish for once I could feel included and wanted without being like I'm forcing it or needing to be the one to text first and initiate everything. To feel like I'm bothering people who obviously don't think of me as as big of a part of their lives as they are in mine. Because if it's not obvious I am S**T at reaching out when I don't feel like I belong. Like I don't have the right to be in your life. Like I'm just a bother and waste of your time. That you'd only be bored if you actually did show up anyway..

I'm the forgotten friend. The background friend. That one that's there with others but not the one you came to see. The one that gets ignored and passed over. The one disconnected from everyone and everything. The one sitting home alone every night hoping Someone will save me but never knowing how to make it happen or getting shot down whenever I try. So why bother at all?