Off to save the world once again.

Before I go out, I always straighten my hair in the mirror. There's no point in going before the media with a loose strand poking out, like Alfalfa. They'd laugh me right out of the League if that were to happen.

(Are you getting this down? I don't want you to think I'm leaving anything out. I want everyone to know what's what.)

It's harder than you'd think, y'know, appearing in public. Trying to put on a good face for the people. Trying to appear forthright and honest, and at the same time trying to spin things your way. I have a greater appreciation for politicians now, especially the crooked ones. Mind you, I don't condone or approve of them, but to do the most heinous and horrific things in the course of their day, and yet still manage to convince millions of people to vote for them. . . ? Wow. That takes some skill. Or mind-control powers. Hmm. . . I have to remember to have J'onn look into that.

D****t, that one point keeps poking out at the top of my hair. I swear to all that's holy, I'm about to take some fire to this thing, just to get rid of it. I'm not appearing on television, in all my glory, looking like some third-rate backwater detective from the 19-dicketys, especially with a Little Rascals hairdo. Jesus.

You'd think this would be easier. You'd think they'd have made haircare products for me and my compatriots by now. We're important men, y'know. . . AND women, AND women! God, Diana would rip my head in half if she'd thought I'd left that out.

(Make sure that's in there, the women part. Not getting any more lawsuits, no sir.)

This waiting is interminable. Y'know, I could've run in and out of that conference room 237 times in the past 5 minutes? "So?" So, that makes the waiting even harder. Imagine your senses are attuned to 800 times faster than the normal human ones. . . Yeah, you'd get a little impatient too. I bet Clark never had to wait this long. . . What? Oh, oh no, I shouldn't have used his name like that. Don't print that!

I still need a good catchphrase. 3 years on the job, and I've yet to come up with a viable and impressive catchphrase. Y'know, like "Up up and away!", or "I am the night!", or even "Never fear Mighty Mouse is here!". Anything would be better than the big zilch I've got going now.

And forget any type of secret identity. Back in the day, that "By day, he's (blank), by night, he haunts criminals!" jazz might've worked, but now we've got the internet and digital cameras in cellphones and snitches looking to make a quick buck EVERYwhere. I tell you, this is the hardest time to get in this business. Sometimes I wonder if I would've been better off just sticking with pro sports, as I originally planned. I could've been the first 3 sport athelete, and I'd be elbow deep in wine, women, and wealth right now. But I suppose civic duty calls, and justice is its own reward, yadda yadda yadda.

(Leave out the "yadda yadda" part. Makes me sound unprofessional.)

Oh, there's the green light. Gotta cut this short fella. Have to meet my "adoring public" now. Let's hope they don't tear me to pieces. HAHAHA, not like I couldn't easily return the favor!

 

. . .

(Do you think that sounded a bit harsh? ... Leave it out then.)

Reviews

[John Sanders]

Love it. I also feel nerdy for catching all the superhero references...oh, yes. Big nerd here.

But nerds rule, so no problem with that.

[Idyllwyld]

This definitely brought a chuckle (although I feel a bit nerdy for catching all the superhero references). I like how you address what a superhero (or masked vigilante---Watchmen) would act like in today's world, and I love how the biggest concern is misrepresentation in the press and being political correct! Oh, if that wasn't such a big issue today, HA!

Copyrights, sexism, commercial success....Ah, the modern world.