Im not who i was.

I'll share a secret; it was only within the last year that i really became serious about Christ. I knew him, i knew what he had done, and frankly i didn't care for a long time. Yes, i was a rather obedient child, yes, i took my bible to church almost every Sunday morning, and yes, i lived a rather clean life. But did i love God, or was i confining myself to rules i needed to follow in order to be a christian, or get to heaven? it was the latter. Save for a few defining moments of my life, i hadn't given a rip about God's will, or what he meant to me. Reputation was my God. Pleasing others, leading worship for a youth group,writing a song and performing it at graduation. Great things, if handled with the proper amount of humility and redirection towards Christ. But even when i would say to people "this is about christ" and urge them to make it about that, it wasn't more than a broken record in my mind. i was so proud  it was really quite pathetic, as i was only impressing myself.
But in the past year, a few things really changed. i started seeing my flaws for what they were. and humbled by that, i started to see my real need for Christ. Not that "rules to regulate my life" stuff that many people buy into, and consequently fall from. but letting Christ change my life from the inside out. Instead of asking, "how much can i do for Christ?" i would ask "how much will i let him use me?" and go from there. instead of asking "How much can i love people?" i would ask "How can i better show them Christ's Love?". instead of asking "how can i please everyone" i would ask "how can i please God?".
It's true, i've made some gutsy decisions in the past year. Switched from a church that only kept me where i was at to a huge church that let me grow. Pursued a relationship with a girl in the right fashion, which led into a very fruitful relationship that has helped me grow in Christ even more fully, and does so daily.  Ended numerous friendships that needed to be ended, despite what could be said behind my back or lied about (going back to a root problem i've had of wanting to please everyone), started a bible study friday mornings with three of my best guy friends, refinement of my morals, which sometimes leaves some of the most conservative people baffled (i say i'd rather be sure i was honoring God with my actions than go south on questionable issues) switching a second time to a smaller but growing church, in pursuit of growing in the area of worship leadership and serving God at a greater capacity (another situation sure to fall into scrutiny),trying to be much less demanding, selfish, rude, and trying to become more patient, humble, and kind.
again, im not perfect. But i love God, and he's changing me. It isn't that i don't care what people think of me anymore. Reputation is important. But its not my reputation i'm protecting, it's christ's reputation represented by me. I bear the name of christ on my chest, so why shouldn't i be concerned?

"saved through faith and not by works" doesn't mean if you believe in Jesus, you're free to live how you want. And it obviously doesn't mean if you do good things you'll go to heaven. Faith, true faith, will change you, and give you the heart of God to do good works. Not acted on by the heart of man, "lest any man should boast" but God through you.

It isn't that i don't care what people think of me anymore. Reputation is important. But its not my reputation i'm protecting, it's christ's reputation represented by me. I bear the name of christ on my chest, so why shouldn't i be concerned?

Christ's love is ever changing. You just have to let it change your heart, not your actions.