why i'll only fall for people i can never have

this is my first post on here, so it's just kind of a taste of what my writing is like more than anything else.

number one: I dream like I'll never wake up. meaning i'll fall for people who are absolutely perfect, meaning they're completely and totally out of my league. if you're the kind of person i dream of having, i'm going to fall for you. and chances will have it, you're too far up in this societal caste system and I won't be able to have you. i won't deserve you.

number two: i fall like i have no balance. if you smile at me, i'm in love. if you complement me, i'm in love. if you put your arm around me, i'm in love. basically, i fall in love with almost everyone i meet for one reason or another. can a girl in love with love ever find love in a person?

number three: i change like leaves in the fall. i get so scared whenever i have conversations with people, my mind is screaming: am I talking too much? am I annoying? am I saying the right things? am I appealing to you? and i can't stop, I can't help it, because I want you to love me back so much that i can't just leave it to the world, I have to contort myself specifically for your wants and needs. so am i even a person without people to make me a certain way? am I constantly changing masks for everyone i meet, always wanting to please everyone, always wanting people to love me, always changing, always changing, always changing...

number four: i shrivel like an old woman. meaning several things: I won't know what to do with my hands, so i'll probably be moving them constantly, making strange gestures that won't at all support my attempt to appeal to you; i won't make eye contact, i'll look down and around and you'll think i'm not interested, i promise you i am, I just can't deal with the pressure of looking directly into someone's eyes; i won't give you straight answers because I don't want to say the wrong thing and kill your interest in me, so i'll just go "um, maybe?" and "I don't know" and you'll get frustrated because i seem to not have an opinion.

number five: my mouth will be locked like a key doesn't exist. you won't know. i'll think about you, i'll get weak at the knees when you talk to me, i'll do everything i can to cross paths with you, i'll write love letters. but i'll never speak my thoughts. i'll never let you see me swoon over you. I'll act like i didn't mean to bump into you. i'll never send those letters. 

so i guess i'll always fall for people i can't have because i'll never try to get them. everyone is already out of my reach because i just can't stretch far enough. only ever falling, never getting caught. 

Author's Note

anything you think i can improve on!