50 Facts You Get From Conservapedia

50 Facts You Get From Conservapedia

A Story by J. R.

A little bit of fun. For those of you that don't know, Conservapedia is like Wikipedia except instead of actual facts it has a ton of insane creationist, xenophobic, and just-plain-wrong bullshit.

1. Only good people are conservatives
2. Only bad people are anything other than conservatives
3. It's impossible for conservatives to lie because socialists invented lying when FDR undemocratically
stole America
4. If a conservative does lie, it's for a good cause and therefore doesn't count as lying.
5. There are 7 billion people on earth, 15 billion of them are Muslims and the other 15 billion are communists. Therefore, four-thirds of the entire global population are terrorists who hate Jesus and America.
6.The world is exactly six thousand years old because the Bible said so.
7. Evolution is a lie invented by the Nazis to socialize America
8. Fossils are a lie invented by Satan. This is true because my pastor said so after ten beers.
9.Nazism, Liberalism, Socialism, Communism, and Fascism are all exactly the same. If you disagree, you are all of them and also a devil-worshiping atheist.
10. Only Americans are human, everyone else is either a socialist or a terrorist.
11. Muslims invented terrorism
12. Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims.
13. Gays are evil
14. Homosexuality was invented by the Soviets to bring down American birthrates so they could socialize our country.
15. The constitution was written by Jesus, you can't prove it wasn't.
16. Prayer in school should not just be allowed it should be compulsary. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a Jesus hating Nazi.
17. Christianity is the one true religion. All others were invented by Satan and/or socialists.
18. The mainstream media is run by socialists who secretly control everything
19. Atheists killed Jesus
20. Gay marriage was used to kill Jesus by the Atheists. Also, the Atheists were socialists.
21. Women are inferior to men in every way, it's true because the Bible said so
22. Porn should be banned because it's evil and it's evil because Bible
23. All facts are wrong. You don't need facts because all truth comes from the Bible and Conservapedia
24. Censorship is bad
25. Censorship is okay as long as we're the ones doing it
26. All murderers were either Atheist or Muslim
27. Christians never kill people... ever
28. It's okay to kill in the name of Jesus because how else will the heathens know how loving and peaceful your religion is?
29. Muslims have invaded America and any day now they'll strike....any day now....
30.Women wouldn't be raped if they didn't act like w****s.... why won't they date me?
31. Women shouldn't wear pants because women's legs are scary and evil.
32. Only Americans go to heaven
33. War is good when America does it
34. Everything the Government does is evil
35. Unless it's banning gay marriage
36.Poor people are criminals because if they weren't evil, they'd be billionaires by now.
37.Immigration is evil because it lets people who aren't American into America
38.Videogames are evil because they're scary and they make kids violent this one guy totally proved it.
39. Barrack Obama was born in Kenya, which is somewhere in Mexico.... I think
40.Religious freedom is good as long as the religion is Christianity
41. Every time a Mosque is built in America, an angel cries
42. Public Schools turn your kids into gay socialists who believe in evolution
43. The Chinese are out to destroy us by... doing....stuff.....
44. Over half of our government is made up of secret communists, another half is made up of socialists, and another half are homosexuals.
45. It's okay to rewrite the Bible if you really love Jesus
46.All those people who died in the Salem witch trials actually were witches, they just used their magic to make the media think they were innocent.
47. Masturbation gives you cancer. Here's a very dubious source to prove it.
48. Every Democrat in Congress eats nothing but Christian babies every day
49.Crime would stop existing if we only banned more things
5. The Communist Muslim Illegal Immigrants are trying to socialize your gay abortions and have evolution taught in schools

© 2012 J. R.

Author's Note

J. R.
This is intended to be a joke.

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These are all facts. Ask anyone. Ask your Principal, your priest your local police officer ask the physician. Just you dare to ask you gardener. That's right, ask Edwardo and Jose they will tell you. And remember..jesus loves you and only you. Nice list J.R.

Posted 10 Years Ago

Holy s**t, how did I miss this? I went on Conservapedia once. Once.....
It's amazing what people actually believe. Like, actual people. Believing s**t like this. The sad part is these people then look at me and think the exact same thing I do when I look at them. (That is... how can he believe such lies?) As always, great work J.R.! Keep on rocking!

Posted 11 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on July 29, 2012
Last Updated on July 29, 2012
Tags: 50, facts, conservapedia


J. R.
J. R.

I am an aspiring writer who is interested in improving as a writer and getting my work out to the world. . more..

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