Chapter One: Is this destiny?

I'm Desmond Tiny. When I was twelve, I found my summer love. I was dumbfounded by Michelle Hawk the first day she walked in the class. She was the new student this year, and only I saw her beauty.

I'm Desmond Tiny. When I was twelve, I had a dream to find my "summer love." I am now sixteen and am dumbfounded by Michelle Hawk, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on-- to me at least. She was the new student this year in summer school, and only I saw her beauty. Everyone else in summer school looked at her as plain old Mitchie and nothing else. Plain Mitchie who had nothing better to do than stay home and do homework. Her simplicity killed me. And me.. Desmond Tiny, the jock of Love Lit High School (isn't that ironic) liking plain old Mitchie Hawk. To some, it was impossible, but to me.. it was summer love.

Author's Note

crapp guys! i'm only eleven, cut me some slack!

Reviews

[Daniel Gardner]

For an eleven year old this is pretty good. A mature topic done with a child's innocent twist keeps you reading. You should develop more on this. Some tips though: 1) You only need to say summer school once in the beginning. When you move on to a different scene like if he goes home this describe it again. 2) take the part "isn't that ironic" out of parenthesis and Italicized it. Other then that great job keep it up.