Self-Pity

Written a couple weeks ago, when I thought I would never return from sadness.. :/ Review please, and tell me what you think!

Voices calling the wandering lost

On this mountain top so far away

I hear them shout my name

Over, and over again

But they will never find me

So deep in this great forest

Composed of failure, anger, and torment

The earth below me

Is my broken heart

Crushed beneath my own feet

Fallen from the tree tops

Who themselves are my judges

To criticize my every breath

Reviews

[victoria]

this was good, i liked the metaphors and the flow was really nice, and i can feel your sadness through this, but i agree with hippy, there is something missing. maybe you could make it stronger, or add to it. other than that, it was pretty good :D

[Hippy]

i like it but feel it was unfinished and am just upset with what it could be its good for sure i really enjoy all the metaphors its just great but i do belive it needs something else like a really great ending that pulls you in and discribing the form of saddness even what brought it on