sometimes

‘things arent always what they seem.’

i think this is true.

because sometimes i feel things that arent there.

like when someone touches me sometimes its not skin pressing skin,

its bugs crawling all over me.

sometimes covering myself in layer upon layer

is less about hiding myself from others eyes,

and more about not wanting to see more of myself than i have to.

sometimes wearing a lot of makeup

is less about trying to make myself pretty to others,

and more about not wanting to see the imperfection underneath.

sometimes the monster under the bed

is a lot less fangs and claws,

and more like looking in the mirror.

sometimes breathing in

is less like oxygen,

and more like water, and everyday is like breathing in oceans.

sometimes hurting myself

is less the pain of drawing blood,

and more of an attempt to cut myself out of my skin,

because i am suffocating in it.

sometimes letting myself be in pain

is more about trying to remember feelings besides anger or sadness.

sometimes listening to music with screaming

is something i have to do

because god d****t no one will listen to me until i am screaming as well

sometimes my music being so loud

is not about disturbing anyone

but trying to block everyone out.

i guess things arent always

what they seem.