Changed

Who was I before pain changed me?

I’ve been trying to remember who I was

before all of this changed me,

further than two steps from a grave

fighting away demons with the back of my hand

and looking at the grey-blue sky

with something more than indifference.

Who was I

before broken glass slipped its way

into my skin

burrowed into every vein

and threatened to cut me from the inside

if I dared to move,

feet planted in the dirt

hoping not to scare what soul I had left

shattered on the side of the road

where hope left me

to fend for myself. 

Where was I headed

before this pain was implanted

into my brain

pushing its way into every nerve

and screaming at me to give up

before I lost my mind,

legs buckling under the pressure to fight

for people who would never understand what it meant

to be waging a war within my body.

I had to change

before life brought me down

into the pit of ignorance

where everything is bliss

but everything is a lie,

I couldn’t stand to be there 

any longer than I could survive here 

as I was.

I am not who I used to be,

care free and warm

I would have suffocated in my sleep

trying to be something that 

wouldn’t live to see another day,

I have changed

into someone that sees pain

but also the beauty that it becomes. 

Reviews

[Richard M]

Dear Ally Beautifully written and I can't conceive of this situation you were in. The imagery of this so very vivid. Thank you for sharing this, and your beautiful poetry with us. Take care my friend (((HUGS))) xx

[Ally Ann]

Thank you so much! It's been a long process of just living, but its been worth it. Changing can be one of the most painful things, but it is usually for the better.