Too Young to Feel This Old

How do I feel so old when I am still so young?

I feel one hundred and two

decaying from the inside out

a skeleton of mistakes 

and regrets of things I should have done

broken teeth scattered across my bathroom floor

and empty pill bottles lining my shelves

I feel older than I should

already preparing for death

it looks me in the eyes

and tells me everything is all right

so I will go quietly with it

into the night,

I feel my bones shifting as I sit

waiting for another day to pass

until it doesn’t anymore

and I am somewhere that isn’t here

not living but free

escaping from what I tried to be

but I never was,

fingernails gnawed to the bone

and bones jutting out from the crevices

of my own mind

I am too young to feel this old

ready to give up 

who I am

to anything that promises relief

irreconcilable futures rest in the horizon

and I am here bargaining away

what time I have left.

Reviews

[Desiree Rankin McDonald]

I love this poem. It is very relatable to me. I’m young as well and often I look at myself in the mirror aging so quickly due to my past failures, regrets and worry.

[Frito]

woww this is amazing. its really powerful and so relatable. Its an awful feeling being so young and yet having all your past mistakes and future decisions hang over your head

[(Super) Heroes Never Di..]

This. Is. So. Relatable.
Im only 22 and this so accurately depicts much of what I'm feeling lately with my own life. Great job at describing this feeling so well. Being so young but feeling your past and future weigh on your mind and body is a horrible feeling. But your poem is wonderful, and I know others will connect with it as well.