Teach me

We lie together in bed, your breathing is ragged. I’m on your chest and as it rises and drops I rise and drop with it. I can’t help but smiling, satisfied as I listen to your heart still racing from your orgasm. Our sex was, once again, incredible. Tonight, I decided to try a new position and as I stood in front of you and stretched down to my toes, I told you exactly what I wanted. I grabbed the floor for support leaning on to the balls of my feet and arching my back, perfect for you to enter me.  You bucked your hips forward into me holding my own and slamming me back into you. When you moaned that you were ready to cum, I reached around cupping your balls and begged for you to release inside of me. I could feel how intense you finished inside of me, long streams of cum filled me for what felt like forever. As we laid down together, you played with my hair and I felt happy.

“Where did you learn all of that, I mean how are you so f*****g good?”

Instantly the mood shifted. I was often flattered and pleased when you would express your surprise and earnest appreciation of what we did in bed. This was different though, because it reminded me of him. Them. Memories.

The first boy I slept with made me feel like a queen while he placed me so high on a pedestal of fiction. He weaved beautiful, long tales that I rested my head upon when I went to sleep and woke up believing. The first time he cheated I was convinced it had been a mistake, the key to his heart was to simply satisfy him further. Make him want me more than any other woman, do things to him that no one else can do better. Here is where I learned to talk dirty, to moan, to sext, to tease.

The second boy I slept with made me feel hideous. He hated me in a way that only someone who loves you can. He knocked me down so that he could build me back up and soon enough I believed I needed him to help me out of the place he had put me. Again and again I failed to please him in the bedroom. I wasn’t flexible enough, not loud enough, too loud, too big, too much, but still not enough. Here is where I learned to give head, to be on my knees for hours, to take all the punishment someone can give and still beg for more.

The third boy I slept with made me feel nothing. No one had ever loved me in the way he did. I genuinely believe he would have laid his life down for me. I owned him and I didn’t even want to. I was told I was perfect, I needed to do nothing and soon enough I began to do nothing. Once I had cum I wanted to go. As he desperately reached out for me, the desire to hold me and to love me was only second to his desire to be loved and held. Here is where I learned to fake an emotion. Nose kisses, moon eyes, and sweet nothings, I became so good at it I scared myself.

Now we’re here and you’ve asked me this question. I want to tell you all of this, I want to share every experience I’ve had. I’m desperate for someone to hear my story. Instead I smile and kiss your nose. With a wink and a laugh I say,  “I’m just a natural I guess.” You hold me just like they did and I feel the warmth of your body, but inside I feel cold. I’m scared what you’re going to teach me.

Author's Note

This is my very first piece that I've shared publicly. It's also one of my most personal pieces, please let me know what you guys think!

Reviews

[Gwennxo]

your writing is so beautiful. it relates to society, don't change your writing. you will help other girls because, you helped me. i've been through similar things, things that made me so ugly. but i'm willing to share if you'd like me to.